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Archive for category Pitfalls I’ve Fallen Into
Extracts from Quick Guide V: How to Apply Mindfulness to Business.
Mindfulness means moment-to-moment, non-judgmental awareness. It is cultivated by refining our capacity to pay attention, intentionally, in the present moment, and then sustaining that attention over time as best we can. In the process, we become more in touch with our life as it is unfolding.
Allow me to add my own business related definition.
Mindfulness is responding in the present moment without reacting through anger, shame, hurt or (the most likely feeling) fear. Instead it’s about having faith-in-self to use your intuition to respond with passion, curiosity to learn, composure, patience, compassion, harmony, and timing to complete whatever is incomplete in your approach to business relationships.
If you are mindful of, moment by moment, you…
- Demonstrate faith-in self, passion, curiosity to learn, composure, patience, and compassion.
- Avoid both panicking and reacting out of anger, shame, hurt, and fear – instead, under-react.
- Create harmony and resonance to nurture The Master Mind.
A Master Mind may be created through the bringing together or blending, in a spirit of perfect harmony, of two or more minds. Out of this harmonious blending the chemistry of the mind creates a third mind which be appropriated and used by one or all of the individual minds.
from The Law of Success, Napoleon Hill
- Complete incompletions (when the future presents them to you and in the past you may have reacted negatively) to time.
Then, with these intentions, actions and qualities you apply…
You will induce everything that’s incomplete in your approach to your business relationship. This is the future’s gift to the present moment. You are given the opportunity to rise above anger, shame, hurt, and fear (borne of the past tense).
When you complete anything in your business approach that is incomplete, it travels into the past and need never return. If you react negatively, i.e. it remains incomplete, it travels into the past before returning to the future – so that you attract the same source of anger, shame, hurt, and fear once again.
The goals of nurturing healthy business relationships may be financial success and kudos but these things are not the purpose.
The real purpose of any relationship, business or otherwise, is the development of self (consciousness) to be the very best at what you do.
When you achieve the above, the goals and purpose become one. You cannot fail because there is no one better and you have no fear of not-success – because…
Genuinely having no fear tells you that not-success no longer exists.
There’s a corollary to this. To release your fear you need to approach not-success. Which is why I encourage you to…
Include not-success as well as success in what you want.
#mindfulness, abusive relationships, accountability, Ancient Wisdom, anger, b2b, boost sales, business relationships, consciousness, courage, daily thought, druid, druidism, druidry, EFT, fear, guilt, increase sales, karma, law of attraction, law of consequence, Law of Reversibility, leadership, life purpose, love, magician, metaphysical, mindfulness, relationship problems, relationships, responsibility, sadness, sales, sales management, sales productivity, self help, selling, spiritual, tip, Truth, warrior, words of wisdom
A subset of an exercise, on building outcomes for a relationship, from my book…
Pick a relationship you’re in, business or personal…
Bring into focus how your relationship has been of late. Answer and write down the answers to the following questions and responses to instructions…
- Give yourself a score of 0 to 10, out of 10, for level of satisfaction with the relationship where 10 equates to 100% – “The relationship is exactly how I want it to be”, 5 equates to “Half and half” or “So so”, 0 equates to “Not at all” and so on.
- What has been your input to making the relationship how you want it to be?
- Give yourself a score of 0 to 10, out of 10, for your level of commitment to the relationship where 10 equates to 100%, 5 equates to 50%, 0 equates to nothing at all and so on.
- Track your level of commitment to the relationship on a weekly basis.
You raise your level of commitment by raising how much (energy) you give to and receive from the relationship materially, mentally, emotionally and spiritually – as long as what you give or receive is not borne of anger, hurt, shame or fear.
The relationship is in balance when you receive the same amount of ‘energy’ as you give.
The relationship gets to exactly where both parties want it to be when both rate their satisfaction with it as a ‘10’. A ‘10 all round’ is where both parties are fully committed to the relationship, they both give and receive 100% which means they are both 100% satisfied.
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Pre-reading to explain some of the terms used, see blog, The Game of Life
Client Case Study of Unrequited Love – Part 4 of 4; Vulnerabilities, Repeating Patterns, Frozen Trauma, Activating Event, Core Beliefs and Dysfunctional Assumptions
My client recognised the ‘cat and mouse’ nature of the repeating behavioural patterns in a relationship he had with “someone who loves me as a friend and no more”. He would attempt to remain mindful and stay courteously detached when in his partner’s company. He would laugh and joke with her but would not allow himself to get carried away and be overtly affectionate with her – which is what he wanted to do as a natural course of events. She would often hold his hand or touch his neck and shoulder. He would return that affection but only briefly. He feared he would lose his mindfulness and expose any vulnerabilities he held about himself.
After say an hour or so of this ‘cat and mouse’ game, his partner would catch him off guard. For example, she would sit next to him, place her hands between and squeeze his legs half way between his knees and genitalia and then direct his hand to the same position between her legs. She always held his hands firmly so she could direct them to parts of her body where she felt comfortable being touched. My client respected this but in that moment of physical tenderness, he lost his state of mindfulness and yearned that she would allow the touching to continue and become more intimate. But she would never allow that.
As soon as he allowed this state of yearning to arise, his partner would kiss him and hug him several times and leave quickly. He would then feel saddened by her departure. Sometimes that sadness would turn to anger, not towards his partner, but towards himself – for allowing himself to get “sucked into the situation of unrequited yearning” again.
Because of these continuing setbacks, he would question his own motives and whether he was conning himself or not that he really was practising mindfulness. He would question whether mindfulness itself was valid or just a psychologist/spiritualist fad that people have cottoned on to – like The Law of Attraction; of which he would think to himself, “Everybody’s buying books about it and doing it but I don’t see many people attracting the things they really want!”
My client knew his intentions were good and wanted only the best for both he and his partner. He kept going. He remembered to practise patience with and compassion for himself. He waited consciously for the wisdom of what was incomplete in him to arrive. And when it came, he realised that it could only arrive under duress. He would have to attract it wantonly and no-one could help him in this matter.
One night, his partner announced that she was fed up with her life and was going away to France for a week with a view to emigrating there as soon as she could. My client got very upset in the moment but kept his cool. After his partner had left, my client realised that he was still attached to the successful outcomes, he’d defined for the relationship, and that he had to let go of this attachment. He had to stop succumbing to his desires whilst still loving his partner and releasing the anger (the sign of an incompletion) that kept welling up in him. He realised that he’d lost touch with his purpose (the journey to completeness or love) for the relationship and become attached to its outcome instead.
As he ‘gazed’ at the repeating behavioural patterns, he saw the same fear of rejection in his partner that he saw in himself – and the many relationships before her that all had the same ‘cat and mouse’ pattern to them. He realised how he had attracted a series of relationships throughout his life that were all destined to end traumatically in rejection after a short while. It was as if he was seeking this trauma subliminally because of a subconscious programme running within him. (This type of repeating pattern is sometimes referred to as a frozen trauma; frozen in time; frozen in the past tense.)
My client sought the source of his repeating traumas. Under therapy, he went back to his childhood and kept going back in time until he reached the very beginning.
He was two months in the womb. His subconscious mind became alert to his mother not wanting a child. His mother was rejecting him before he had even been born. This was the source of his frozen trauma in time and he had been living out a reaction to this rejection all his life.
Inspired by druidic wisdom…
Life requires wholeness. The subconscious mind prompts the attraction of events and people who mirror what is incomplete within us. Some of us try to escape from this ‘requirement’ by…
1. Lapsing into a state of depression so that we won’t even want to get out bed in the morning to face life.
2. Building a psychological shield to protect ourselves from repeating a trauma, in this case ‘rejection’, i.e. we deny ourselves the facility to love and be loved wholly for fear of rejection.
3. Distracting ourselves from thinking about the incompleteness in our lives through drink, drugs, gambling, sex, mindless TV and the like.
The only alternative is to journey the road to wholeness, completeness, love. All other roads lead back this road eventually. In this, we have no choice.
My client could now see more clearly how his partner was acting out on his behalf the frozen trauma he first had with his mother. A trauma (incompleteness) that he still hadn’t resolved within himself. In seeing (becoming a seer) he had already taken a major step and readied himself to take the next one.
Together we sought the activating event by which my client started the relationship patterns that would reflect his frozen trauma in time. He was 13 years old and earned pocket money gardening. He attracted the attention of a 32 year old spinster with whom he entered into a sexual relationship that lasted for three years. He fulfilled his nascent adolescent desire for sex but, he also felt very guilty after every recreational encounter with the woman. He felt he “had sinned before God”.
Yet it was only now that he saw the subliminal reason for participating in underage sex. He felt that he could control the woman. He could say how, when and where they came together. And if she were to reject him, he held the threat of reporting her actions to the authorities.
My client saw how, following this activating event, he (even with what he thought was good intention) would use generosity to woo, or coldness to threaten, women to get what he wanted from their relationship and avoid rejection. And he had used both strategies on his existing partner to no avail. She refused him intimacy because she had her own holding patterns running. And yet my client and his partner both talked of the special connection between them and their love for one another.
My client had now taken a further step, under therapy, to unearth the wisdom of the incompleteness he was hiding from himself. As he sat in silence, I got my client to focus on where and how the prospect of releasing himself from his frozen trauma affected his physical body. He described the feeling of locked or trapped energy, as he pointed to the centre of his chest, half way up his sternum.
I got my client to shine light into the area and asked him what core beliefs (about self) did he see or hear that blocked the flow of energy (chi) through his body. He spoke of four things: two core beliefs and two dysfunctional assumptions (about others) with which he allowed to hold himself back…
1. All relationships and agreements break eventually (dysfunctional assumption).
2. I am unworthy of a lasting relationship (core belief).
3. Women are out to hurt me (dysfunctional assumption).
4. I must have the power to be able to hurt them first. With this power I can threaten or control them (core belief).
I reminded my client that…
A belief is merely a thought that we hold true for a long time. It is no more true or false than any other thought. A thought is not a fact and, as Eckhart Toll reminds us, “You are not your thoughts”.
My client now had all the information he needed at his disposal to avoid him getting “sucked in” to the same old behavioural patterns he’d been subjecting himself to. Was this ‘game over?’ No. He still had to do the work mindfully to avoid reacting to his partner’s ‘cat and mouse’ behaviours. Instead he determined to show her love, enthusiasm, compassion, patience and continue to work on his own completeness.
His partner still had her own holding patterns to work on but it was not within his power or right to change her. It was within his power to change himself only, i.e. change the relationship to the relationship he had with his partner. And by replacing ‘reaction’ with ‘action’, he was prepared to trust himself, the process of mindfulness and his journey to love, regardless of whether that love was requited or not.
#mindfulness, abusive relationships, accountability, Ancient Wisdom, consciousness, courage, druid, druidism, druidry, Gnostic, Gnosticism, karma, law of attraction, law of consequence, Law of Reversibility, life purpose, love, magician, metaphysical, mindfulness, pagan, paganism, relationship problems, relationships, responsibility, sadness, self help, spiritual, Truth, unconditional love, unconscious mind, unrequited love
…Something created out of nothing, the nothingness created from having no fear. When you release all your fear, all that remains is joy and wellbeing. Can there be anything more magical to life than feeling 100% well and happy?
Extract from a forthcoming booklet, currently 3rd in my pipeline (working title), How to Concoct Love in your Life, the first in a series of Quick Guides to Ancient Wisdom.
Image from http://wallpapersa.blogspot.co.uk/
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Love is Not-love Until…
I have mustered the elements in vain.
With swords, wands and wealth,
I hold out the chalice of love to seal our bond.
Yet I cannot enchant your will,
To drink its golden promise.
Time after time, we kiss, we embrace, we fear, we part.
Later, we come together again.
Drawn like moths to the flames in one another’s hearts;
Again we kiss, we embrace, we fear…
The dark, a void between us, too great to span.
I’ve stood close to its edge, too fearful to jump,
Into the shadows where lies a monster,
Borne from an age gone by.
Resurrected within us, through childhood memories,
Too dark to look back, too hurtful to recall.
The monster, from Past, feeds on our fears.
Our karmic pact to slay the beast remains incomplete.
And so the monster returns to Future
Which presents itself to us now.
My soul cries “enough!”
I choose to descend the depths where my light shines dimly.
I hope you’ll join me but I, resolved,
Commit to love you regardless.
I have wanted you, as I have wanted no other.
I have attracted you as I have attracted no other
I have repelled you, as I have repelled no other.
I love you, as I have loved no other.
You love me, as you have loved no other.
We cannot be as one until the beast is slain
In the smoke below the beast takes form.
In its gut burns anger.
Its throat chokes with fear.
In its head hangs shame
And in its heart festers hurt, a wound that will not heal.
I approach with sword and shield
And beast is gone.
Again… and it is gone.
Again… and it is gone.
I wait silently.
Out of the black appears a face, familiar.
I lay down my weapons of convention.
The bellows part to reveal a mirror.
Before me stands Past;
A heavy yolk I have carried all my life.
Childhood grief pierces my heart.
As I lift the yolk to bear its weight,
All conflict unresolved wounds my body.
My mind panics. I want to cast off my mantle
And run away, like so many times before.
Yet I remain still and empty my mind.
I create a circle of light to protect me
And look to the Light within.
I see through Past’s deception;
To rob me of golden Future now,
The present moment eternal.
I stand on the shoreline of unconsciousness
I hear voices but no words of wisdom
I see with no eyes
I feel without touch.
The Light fills my body
The anger calms
The hurt heals
The shame lifts
I shine the light…
Towards the dark door to Future.
At which I hear ‘the knock’.
I am tempted to flee again,
Back from whence I came, to Past,
Who beckons me to turn back from what Future offers.
Whilst my innermost fear locks the door tight.
Instead I choose courage.
To become fearless; I turn the lock
To greet the stranger without.
Before me stands an angel.
I bid her welcome.
She dines with me and I with her as…
She reveals the illusion of my fear.
I see all that remains incomplete
Core beliefs I allow to deceive myself
False assumptions that ward off love, not danger.
I feel a fool, pathetic, as the angel speaks.
“Acknowledge that Future reveals all that you do not love about yourself,
Given to it by Past.
Yet Future’s other gift is Present.
The gift to complete all that is incomplete.
Love is complete. All that is not complete, incomplete, is not Love.
Present is now. All that is not now is not present. It is illusion. It is not.
And yet you allow what is not to determine your path.
Instead choose what you want, ‘success’. Future will bring it to you after you have completed the incomplete; release the fears by which you shield yourself from ‘not-success’.)
Venture towards ‘success’ and ‘not-success’ together. Bid Future to bring you your fears. The Journey to Love requires that you release them.
Then let go of success and not-success; focus only on the Journey.
Practise love, self-love first and thence for all.
Practise compassion, self-compassion first and thence for all.
Practise patience, first with self then others
Practise completeness, by releasing all fear from self.
As your fear of ‘not-success’ dispels then Future presents no more fear.
Not-success disappears, leaving only ‘success’.
You create success out of the nothingness of no fear.
This is how the Ancients practised magic.
A warrior is brave, fearless, prepared for battle.
A magician is wise, fearlessness, sees through the illusion of fears past; no need for bravery anymore.
Your purpose is to shine the Love; the Light that you, complete, are.
Trust the process and you travel in wisdom
That others cannot see yet.
Yet you see, become a seer,
Shine the light for others to see, for themselves.”
Our meal complete the angel leaves.
I ascend from the avoid and see you close, at its edge.
I make no motion to encourage you my love.
The choice to meet your angel is yours and yours alone.
And I shall love you regardless.
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The Mystique to the Game of Life (and Unrequited Love)
#Mindfulness in Relationships Series, No 1
Have you ever loved someone so dearly and have that love not returned? The other person shares everything apart from their love. They refuse to surrender themselves to the process of love; the unconditional surrender of freedom to the commitment that love requires.
Have you ever felt sick to the stomach over unrequited love?
Have you ever yearned in your heart or loins for someone when your head is telling you…
- “This is absolutely the wrong partner for you”?
- “Bottom line, she/he just doesn’t fancy you”?
- “You and him/her, it’s never going to happen”?
Or something like
- “She/he simply doesn’t love you the way you love her/him”?
Your head judges, your loins desire sexual fulfilment and your heart seeks to share love. I call this the Head, Heart and Loins dynamics of a relationship. When all three are aligned, within and between partners, their relationship is probably in good shape to meet the outcomes they seek. (The same holds true for a personal friendship whether there is a sexual element to that friendship or not.) I speak neither of good nor bad, nor moralise. I speak of the process of achieving a purpose through the journey to the goals you set for the relationship, be those goals profound or for short term recreation.
Mindfulness, sometimes referred to as being present in the moment, is the process of creating love, enthusiasm, compassion, patience and completeness in the moment (by moment) – regardless of whether these vibrations are returned or not. It takes mindfulness to fulfil a relationship’s true purpose, which curiously can be achieved whether the goals are achieved or not.
For example, in movies and songs I’ve heard the phrase, “You complete me”. Well if someone’s purpose is to become complete and they set a goal to find someone who completes them – what happens should they achieve completeness? They no longer need someone else for that purpose.
Other people don’t complete you. You find ‘completeness’ through the journey to ‘completeness’; you find ‘oneness’.
Mindfulness is the vehicle by which to travel the journey.
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Adapted from Druid wisdom (ref: Light and Life, a series of booklets written by David Loxley, Chief Druid, The Druid Order, London).
Your purpose is more than to succeed. It is to learn and apply the wisdom needed to succeed.
Success is the goal, but life is the time and space that happens in between now and reaching that goal. You attract the future that comes towards you. The future presents you with what remains incomplete right now in your life. The future presents the present with the opportunity to learn about yourself, incomplete wisdom, and apply that wisdom – completeness.Should you complete what is incomplete, it travels into the past and need not return.
Whatever travels into the past that remains incomplete ‘returns to the future’. Whatever issues (i.e. unlearned or unapplied wisdom) that remain incomplete, be they business or personal, return again and again until you complete them.
When you start something, complete it.
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Top performers do three essential things to be at their peak.
1. Clarify your outcomes for the meeting in hand and how you want the relationship with the person to develop, meeting by meeting, one step at a time. Moderate performers focus less on the latter dimension.
2. Be mindful of the frame of the mind you want to be in and that any meeting (is hopefully a meeting of minds) is ultimately about helping everyone present to frame a congruent viewpoint of what needs to be done.
3. Prepare your strategy, primarily so that you allow yourself to get in the frame of mind you want to be.
Research I’ve come across and my own experience shows that the most important thing you take into a meeting is your frame of mind followed by being clear about the outcomes you seek. Having a strategy is important but, once the meeting has started, it’s factors ‘2’ and ‘1’ above (and in that order) that will determine most how you ‘handle any curve balls thrown your way’.
Paul C Burr
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Your outlook in life goes hand in hand with your personality. Personality is a long term habit. A habit is a long term mood. A mood is a long term feeling. So when you feel good and stay feeling good, you shape your outlook for the better. Do and say what feels good. If what you’re about to do doesn’t feel good, don’t do it!
Paul C Burr
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“We change the map of life itself by changing our attitude towards it.”
from The Mind of the Druid by E G Howe
(Probably the most profound book I’ve ever read. I’ve read it 4 times and I’m still trying to ‘get it!’)
Paul C Burr
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My latest booklet, Quick Guide III – How to Bridge the Pillars of Successful Relationships (QG3), focuses on complex, inter- and intra- corporate, many-people-to-many-people, business relationships.
There are sound, logical, rewarding, tangible and emotional reasons for building healthy relationships. These very same reasons apply equally to personal relationships.
Here’s an extract from QG3…
Logic – less cost
Research shows that once you’ve established a customer relationship based on mutual trust and value, it takes five times the effort to build the same relationship with a new customer as it does to maintain it with your current customer.
When the cost of new prospect sales is five times that of existing satisfied customer sales, you don’t need a certificate in mathematics to appreciate the importance of satisfying, if not exceeding, the expectations of existing customers irrespective of the premium you earn from brand loyalty.
Premium – higher earnings
A reputable brand image makes selling a lot easier. I had no problem whatsoever getting to see new clients when I worked for IBM. Cold-calling for an organisation that isn’t a ‘household’ name, however, was a real ‘eye-opener’ for me after I made the switch.
The value of your reputation is the premium that customers will pay to do business with you over and above what they will pay your competitors, all else being equal, plus the cost reduction in sales your brand reputation affords you.
A simple example: ‘Household-name’, supplier A, renowned for its high quality products and services, sells a PC. ‘Relatively-unknown’ supplier, B, clones A’s PC with the exact same components, guarantees and terms of service. Intrinsically there’s no difference between PCs from either supplier. The cost of production and distribution of each product is the same.
Look at the buying/selling process from a customer perspective. All else being equal…
- What price difference will a customer pay (for the increased: reassurance, sense of status or another emotional, differential source of value they feel) for a PC from supplier A over supplier B?
- Reduction in sales cycle time and resourcing: how quicker and easier is it for a seller to convince a customer of the quality of a PC from supplier A compared with supplier B?
Brand value = [(what customers pay you) – (what customers pay for the exact same product/service from your competitors)] + (increase in productivity/cost-reduction in sales afforded by your brand)
Legacy – higher contribution
How do you want to look back on your time in sales and management at the end of your career? How do you want to be remembered? As a seller, buyer or leader: do you want to feel you’ve kept (or at least strived to keep) the agreements you made?
Maybe a business world forged with 100% truthful relationships is somewhat of a pipe dream, but as you look at the world’s economy and the ‘wars’ for limited resources right now, what choice do we have? And we have to imagine something before necessity will mother its invention – do we not?
‘You’ can either contribute to a world where wealth and power are shared through equitable negotiation – or not, truth or illusion/deception, abundance or scarcity, oneness or separateness, love or fear. ‘You’ choose! (But this is the topic contained in another book of mine, Defrag your Soul.)
Paul C Burr
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…All that happens is the result of character; the only manner in which the destiny can be changed is to change the character…..
the chart of birth….is merely a map of character…..
(and) can be markedly altered in any direction desired.
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Any form of business improvement, be it personal or strategic, is a journey, 2 parts emotional to one part intellectual.
I was a guest of Kevin Price, on the Price of Business radio talk-in show on Thursday, 28 March 2013.
What does it take to increase the effectiveness of someone who’s already the best (or at least very experienced) at what they do?
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Only four things hold you back from that which your heart truly desires….
There is no shame in failure but failure is endemic to shame.
Resentment is like poisoning yourself whilst waiting for someone to die.
Holding a grudge is letting someone live rent-free in your head.
Sourced from the Internet.
I’ve cried, and you’d think I’d be better for it, but the sadness just sleeps, and it stays in my spine the rest of my life.
F. E. A. R. = False expectations appearing real.
These four negative emotions serve a purpose. For example, when you have learned all you need to know about shame, you have readied yourself to appreciate not-shame – i.e. to feel good about yourself. To appreciate a high vibration fully, you need to know about its exact opposite.
Such is duality:
- Shame –> not-Shame –> e.g. feel okay, feel good, self compassion, caring for self, trusting self, self worth, self liking, self love, love
- Anger–>not-Anger–>e.g. composed, relaxed, fondness, love
- Sadness–>not-Sad–>e.g. joy, happiness, serenity, expansion, wisdom, love
- Fear–>not-Fear–>courage, faith, fearlessness, stillness, wisdom, love.
The opposites of all four seeds of negative karma lead ultimately to love. When you release shame, anger, sadness and fear, you journey towards love, borne of oneness, borne of the divine.
Where does life’s journey take me?
To truth, your truth, love, oneness, your divine self.
Duality: anything that is not truth, not love or not oneness is not divine.
Ancient Wisdom, anger, Chakras, consciousness, courage, daily thought, druid, EFT, fear, Gnostic, Gnosticism, guilt, karma, law of attraction, law of consequence, Law of Reversibility, life purpose, love, magician, metaphysical, pagan, paganism, relationship problems, responsibility, sadness, self help, shame, spiritual, tarot, tip, tip for the day, Truth, warrior, words of wisdom
Being honest often requires courage. And courage is about letting go of fear and trusting yourself.
Trust is the gap between what you know to be true and what you have faith in.
And truth drives out falsity.
Have faith in, and be true to, yourself (“above all else” as the Bard once said.)
accountability, Ancient Wisdom, anger, Chakras, consciousness, courage, daily thought, druid, druidism, druidry, fear, Gnostic, Gnosticism, honesty, karma, law of attraction, law of consequence, Law of Reversibility, magician, metaphysical, pagan, paganism, relationship problems, relationships, responsibility, sadness, self help, shakespeare, tip, tip for the day, Truth, warrior, words of wisdom
Written some 1500 years ago, by an anonymous bard, Beowulf tells the story of a gallant hero who travels north to Denmark to slay the swamp beast, Grendel.
(Image: first page of Beowulf manuscript)
Grendel would visit the local King Hrothgar’s castle and set about killing all whom it encountered, carrying severed limbs and bodies back to its lair at the bottom of a deep dark lake.
Beowulf slays Grendel. That night there is much merriment and feasting, Beowulf and his men retire to a far part of the castle. A second creature enters the hall where many still celebrate. The creature, Grendel’s mother, the source of the problem, wreaks her revenge. Like Grendel, she retires to her lair and Beowulf sets off after her.
The presenting problem is never the real problem. The real problem lies behind all the presenting problems. When the real problem disappears, so do all of its presenting problems.
Beowulf approaches the edge of the lake. Below him in the deep dark abyss lies the beast in her lair. Before he descends there is great temptation to withhold and draw back but with courage – afforded by the finest sword, shield and armour – Beowulf steps forward and descends into the darkness, his darkness. Below, he and the beast engage in battle. He finds the magnificent sword, shield and armour – that protect him so well on the surface – serve no use in the darkness. Beowulf casts them off. He reveals his unprotected self, his complete vulnerability. Beowulf and the beast become one in combat and as they wrestle, Beowulf finds a luminous sword of light that hangs on the wall of the lair – a sword with which he slays the beast.
As Beowulf rises to the surface to reveal the beast’s head, he finds that the luminous sword dissolves. The luminous sword that worked in the darkness has no power in the known world. It leaves Beowulf unable to demonstrate its power. For others to understand the sword’s power, they must descend into darkness and find it for themselves. They must experience their own victory. They must choose courage.
We cannot stare at the sun in a noon-day cloudless sky.
Light cannot be seen in the light.
At midnight, the cloudless sky reveals infinity.
By clouds, I mean ‘clouds of emotion’ – shame, anger, sadness and fear.
Glory comes from our journey into the darkness.
accountability, Ancient Wisdom, Beowulf, Chakras, consciousness, courage, daily thought, druid, druidism, druidry, fear, Gnostic, Gnosticism, karma, law of attraction, law of consequence, Law of Reversibility, life purpose, love, magician, metaphysical, myth, pagan, paganism, poem, responsibility, self help, spiritual, tarot, tip, tip for the day, Truth, warrior, words of wisdom
As a child I was taught to (do things that) please God and fear the Devil. By the age of 12, I allowed a cleric’s sermon to make me feel ashamed for all the ‘wrong’ things I did, thought and felt – like most young folk do, think and feel as they reach puberty. Much later I realised that guilt or shame is half of the ‘carrot and stick’ deal that parents, governments and some religions use to ‘control’ children, the populace and followers respectively.
Illustration by Andrea Kurucz
When you allow someone else to make you feel not good about yourself, you accede to their first step in mind control. Their intent is that you do their bidding, not your own.
To avoid mind control, you need to understand the nature of your own shame; you need to venture into your own ‘underworld’ to find the sources of that shame. Especially those things your parents did that made you feel ashamed as a child and perhaps hid away deep within you unknowingly.
You may not know consciously all the sources of shame you possess and may need some form of ‘plutonic’ awakening to unearth them. Shame is a gap between how you perceive you are and how you’d like to be. In my life I’ve been ashamed of being overweight, of hurting people but the deepest and most profound shame (that I’ve only recently discovered) was that I was not worthy of my parents’ love. And if I was not worthy of their love, I was not worthy of self-love. And if I was not worthy of self-love then I was worthy to love someone else – because I can’t give what I don’t possess. My shame stultified my capacity to love and be loved in return.
When you do something out of shame you may allay feeling that shame, but you never rid yourself of it. You can’t atone shame – but you can release it. You release shame by practicing self-forgiveness.
I’ve shared how my understanding of forgiveness has evolved in two previous blogs (Replace Forgiveness with Accountability and Client:-”I Can’t Forgive Myself.” – “You Don’t Need To.”).
In a nutshell:
Self-forgiveness is not about one part of you saying to another, “Even though you did wrongly I forgive you”. It’s about releasing all judgement.
Shame is a form of not-self-love that lives in your head, rent free. Self-forgiveness is allowing that not-self-love to leave completely.
When not-self-love leaves, all that remains is self-love; what’s in your head aligns with the love you hold in your heart.
You become love wholly.
abusive relationships, accountability, Ancient Wisdom, anger, Chakras, consciousness, courage, daily thought, druid, druidism, druidry, fear, Gnostic, Gnosticism, guilt, karma, law of attraction, law of consequence, Law of Reversibility, life purpose, love, magician, metaphysical, negative emotions, pagan, paganism, relationship problems, relationships, responsibility, sadness, self help, shame, spiritual, tip, tip for the day, Truth, words of wisdom
Image sourced from Moments Count
Paul C Burr
abusive relationships, consciousness, courage, daily thought, fear, hurt, joy, karma, laughter, law of attraction, law of consequence, Law of Reversibility, life purpose, love, negative emotions, negative feelings, relationship problems, relationships, responsibility, sadness, self help, spiritual, tip, tip for the day, Truth, words of wisdom
Willpower + Commitment + Self Trust = Faith in Yourself
Slightly revised extract from Defrag your Soul
Hu-man did not invent the wheel, the steam engine, the aeroplane or the nuclear bomb without the capacity to imagine each invention in the first place – along with willpower, commitment and trust in its own ability to create such inventions. The same holds true for the future you seek for yourself.
The road can be long and hard.
I found thousands of ways how not to make a light bulb.
I only needed one way to make it work.
(Paraphrased from) Thomas Edison
You can meet many setbacks and stumbling blocks. Being a Leo, I’ve found affairs of the heart to be the biggest area of learning. The area, more than anywhere else, where in the past I have disowned facets about myself. Such setbacks and heartaches required a vast amount of patience with myself as well.
You may be ridiculed, ignored and isolated.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
Revolutionaries: Albert Einstein, Mahatma Gandhi, Oscar Wilde and Pink Floyd were all ridiculed either by their peers or the media before the world accepted the beauty and wisdom of their works.
When truth attempts to usurp not-truth, those protectors of not-truth in power often do all they can to suppress it; without bringing it or the truth tellers to the public’s attention.
Although I am a typical loner in my daily life, my awareness of belonging to the invisible community of those who strive for truth, beauty and justice has prevented me from feelings of isolation.
In my early years when I first got into spirituality, I was prone to be outwardly enthusiastic about my journey within. Most of the people around me were not into ‘it’ at all.
When, for instance at a wine party, I started spouting off about “shining light into my inner darkness”, I would get different types of response. The minority would show interest but the silent majority would remain quiet and walk away to join another group who talked about ‘normal’ things. Some who objected strongly to what I was saying would let me know of their views in no uncertain terms. Others would ridicule me face to face or behind my back. It is often easier to ridicule something than to face it; especially when that something invokes fear in you.
There’s a paradox too. If I’m attracting ridicule, is it because I fear it? Probably yes. In the meantime, I do my best to avoid responding to ridicule with ridicule or any other animalistic response. Sometimes I fail.
You may choose to isolate or distance yourself.
I go to the occasional reunion where others see changes in me. I no longer take much interest in ‘normal’ day-to-day small talk, like who is going to win ‘the current Saturday night TV contest’ or get thrown out of some ‘reality’ show. Many of my interests have changed and, perhaps more significantly, my perspective has changed.
For example, I feel distanced when people complain about being the victims of an economic recession that we have collectively created. At the same time, I ask myself, “Why have I attracted this conversation? I wonder where I am not being accountable for what I receive in life; whom or what am I blaming?”
I do not consider myself superior in any way and do my best not to come across as an evangelist. It’s that I’ve moved on. If people ask my opinion about the latest TV game show, I probably don’t have one. If we’re discussing global events, I speak my views.
I prefer to distance myself from day-to-day chatter or ‘complaining about the system’ – both of which I might have engaged in once upon a time.
I still ‘rabbit on’ a lot about two of my passions though: football and music (probably more than I do about spirituality J) and, undoubtedly, I distance a few people from myself in the process as well.
You may be opposed violently.
When all other attempts at their suppression fail, truth tellers face their sternest test; to stand firm and risk physical harm from those who stand to fall by truth. I could cite religious, political and civil-rights leaders, pacifists and innocent people – all whom have been attacked, beaten and some murdered ignominiously to prevent truth from being revealed to, or sustained in, the world.
What others do not do to you, you may do to yourself.
Without willpower, you limit the depth of your learning; you only go so far and you only get so much in return. When you commit yourself 100% to a project, that’s what you can receive in return, 100%. On the other hand, if you commit less than 100%, you get at best what you put into it and sometimes you get nothing. Ask any seasoned salesperson.
Act as if you make a difference. Act as if you count. Act as if and you will…
Notice the focus is on your journey, more than the outcome.
From Warrior to Magician
By Paul C Burr
Toward the flower in full bloom,
Full Truth in the noonday sun.
Devoid of ego, it casts no shadow.
With no nooks and crannies to hold darkness,
All it can now do is give of itself.
Unafraid of being cut down (crucified) by those, in power, who fear Truth.
The Warrior stands bereft of armour, sword and shield,
Secure in what they know is Truth.
No words of explanation required.
No fear to control or manage.
The darkness embraced.
The fear dissolved.
Armed with only Truth and compassion,
The Warrior thus becomes the Magician.
This is the way of the Tarot.
This is the true definition of White Magic.
Tis called redemption.
accountability, Ancient Wisdom, Chakras, consciousness, courage, daily thought, druid, druidism, druidry, fear, Gnostic, Gnosticism, karma, law of attraction, law of consequence, Law of Reversibility, life purpose, magician, metaphysical, pagan, paganism, relationships, responsibility, sadness, self help, spiritual, tarot, tip, tip for the day, Truth, uphill struggle, warrior, words of wisdom
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This review is from: Learn to Love & Be Loved in Return: Making Relationships Last (Paperback)
This is a book about much more than romantic relationships. It is written with wonderful honesty and sincerity about love, the breakdown of relationships and how we relate to one another. It is a book that provides great insights into our own behaviour, as well as how we relate to others. It immensely readable, and I'm finding myself dipping into it over and over again for the many ideas, exercises and insights within its covers. Highly recommended whether you are in a relationship, just starting one, or looking for a relationship that will last.
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Paul C Burr PhD
Skype: pbviaskype (mention this blog, when you connect)
Quick Guide VII – A Top-notch, Sales-Relationships, Account Management Template
Quick Guide VI – How to Sell Coaching
Defrag your Soul
Learn to Love and Be Loved in Return
My Shelfari bookshelf
- The Shack by Wm. Paul Young
- [ Chiron and the Healing Journey ] CHIRON AND THE HEALING... by Melanie R Reinhart
- Druidcraft Tarot Deck (Tarot Cards) by Phillip...