Posts Tagged #mindfulness

Solar Eclipse around 10am BST, 1 Sept 2016, in Virgo

Rare-ring-of-fire-eclipse-to-pass-over-northern-Africa-on-Sept1-indialivetoday

In just under 2 hrs from now, as I draft this, we will be subject to an annular solar eclipse. Those in Africa, who will see the full eclipse, will observe a ring of fire at its zenith. Alas, we are too far north, here in the UK, to even see a partial eclipse. BUT….

It seems to be a heavy duty and complex configuration of planets going to be activated, astrologically speaking. I won’t go into the astro details but the ‘planets’, asteroids and special-points-in-space involved, include…

  • Sun/Helios – the revealer of truth who never judges but shines love and compassion
  • Moon – the queen of your emotions and emotional journey in life
  • Neptune – who influences the illusion [eg addictions, external (non-)reality] in your life so that you eventually discover truth(and is at his most powerful as he swims in Pisces)
  • Saturn – the lord of karma and its timing
  • The North Node of the lunar eclipse – influences your direction in life and brings to light things you know least about
  • Uranus – the ‘Che Guevara’ of planets who can bring about rapid, unexpected change/revolution
  • Eris – the goddess of strife
  • Juno – the goddess of relationships
  • Black Moon Lilith – the goddess of the high-most spiritual love and your innermost darkness at the same time

All but the last two have hard aspects to the Sun/Moon conjunction – which, in simple terms, means the possibility of conflict, tension, upset, strife, rebellion and revolution. BE WARY!!!

Now there ain’t a lot I want to say about what might or might not happen on a global level so I’ll stick to the advice I am trying to take heed of for myself, personally  – and I’ve already had one run in!

  • Don’t exert yourself so that you end up exacerbating any physical disability
  • You may find yourself desirous to do something which the adolescent you wants to do (eg drink, smoke, gamble et al) but the mature you is saying “hold back”. Saturn is around to help you set boundaries and keep your focus on what’s best for you, specifically your physical and emotional self. But if you step outside these boundaries then Saturn might well return any transgressions, you make, back to you – only amplified.
  • Watch your back, stay alert. Something or someone may sneak up on you and cause an upset. If you see it coming, stay cool.
  • One or all the above may invoke a disconnection. This is not because of someone being right or wrong, it’s about people not being able to see others’ perceptions.

By standing back, staying cool by rising above the situation, you will see it for what it is. And you will be secure in the wisdom it brings – so that any decisions you make, as a result, are better informed. Avoid making a rash decision which is often Mars’ wont .

One love, stay cool


Shine on…!

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Paul C Burr

Business/Personal Performance Coach, Author, Public Speaker, Visiting Lecturer, Singer, Actor and Model

Facebook: Beowulf (>14,000 followers)

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Mindfulness – Wakening to the Framework of What-Is and What-Is-Not, The Law of Reversibility

(The Foreword to my forthcoming booklet, The Threefold Death – Mindfulness: Wakening to the Law of Reversibility)

Face Optical IllusionImage courtesy of interestingcreativedesigns

The Law of Reversibility

Situations (events and people) can affect your emotional state. The reverse holds true too; inducing that same emotional state will manifest those same events and people into your life.

Manifesting is not attracting. It’s creating something that’s already there, yet unseen, vibration. This is the paradox of duality. For ‘something’ to be present, ‘not-that-something’ also exists, at the same time. For example, when you ask someone to marry you, they may say, “yes” (success) or “no” (not-success). You know the shape of a building because the air around it is not-that-building.

So how can you apply this principle to life and death? Answer: it requires a fundamental reframe.

The opposite of death is not life, it is birth. Life is eternal.
Paraphrased from Eckhart Tolle

There is no such thing as death in the traditional sense of its definition. Upon death, the physical body returns to its constituent elements and consciousness leaves the body, unseen, reborn into the vibration it came from. Death and birth are coincidental. You give birth to new levels of consciousness in life by bringing death to, killing, those things that you allow to stop the birthing process. And…

You can only bring death to, or kill, that which you have power over (i.e. the properties of things you own or control): your personality, your feelings, your outlook – and how you perceive, and thus respond to, the information you amass through your five senses (sight, sound, touch, smell and taste). You do not have control over the events and people in your life – but you always have control over how you respond to them.

Author’s extract from Defrag your Soul: If you perceive life negatively for a few hours, people will think you’re in a mood. If your negativity lasts a few weeks, others may think that you’re depressed. If your negativity sustains over a longer term, others will define you as someone with a negative personality – or of a negative character.

Your outlook in life shapes your responses to its peaks, middles (“Glass half full, half empty?”) and troughs. Your sustained responses, define your character – and thus your destiny…

All that happens is the result of character; the only manner in which the destiny can be changed is to change the character … (and) can be markedly altered in any direction desired.
CC Zain

A deeper process of ‘personal alchemy’ is at work…

Strength of character comes not from a life of ease and tranquillity but from a life in which our hearts, minds and sometimes bodies are pitted against forces we do not understand.
Paraphrased from The Druid Plant Oracle, by Philip and Stephanie Carr-Gomm

Change in your consciousness is only brought about by changing your character; ergo, changes (preceded by deaths) to certain aspects of your personality and feelings, which in turn are shaped by the framework of how you perceive the information you gather through your five senses. Life, at some level, is thus about opening, as Aldous Huxley so eloquently puts it, the doors of perception AND shaping your character accordingly and consciously.

As you open the doors, you waken to the framework of what-is and what-is-not, the principles of spirit and matter, the Laws of the Light, the framework of truth borne of justice, just-is. It requires focus, imagination, faith in yourself, and a cleansing of the mind.

All whom I love I teach, but first confute,
Thus from their minds all errors to uproot.
For truth by biased minds is ne’er divined,
Therefore seek wisdom, but first cleanse the mind.

(
From Message to the Hierarchy of Selene, from The Restored New Testament: The Hellenic Fragments…, by James Morgan Pryse)

Otherwise you will not know clearly whether you will manifest what you want or its polar opposite, its duality…

The Paradox of Duality

To know love, for example, you need to know not-love. So learning not-love serves a purpose. You are indirectly learning about love. And you won’t experience love wholly until you complete your learning. Here lies the rub of duality. This is how life works.

 

3FD Paperback Cover

So…

Be clear that what you imagine will bring you what your soul seeks. And know that all the things you experience – that you don’t want – serve a purpose.

My forthcoming booklet describes three fundamental deaths (or reframes) to aspects of personality, feelings and perception of what-is and what-is-not  – or as the story of Merlin portrays, The Threefold Death.

These three reframes are fundamental to your wakening.

Shine on…!

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Paul C Burr

Business/Personal Performance Coach, Author, Public Speaker, Visiting Lecturer, Singer, Film Extra and Model

Facebook: Beowulf (>15,000 followers)

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Full Blood Super Moon(Lunar Eclipse) in Aries, starts 3.11am and completes 4.24am BST, 28 Sept 2015

Aries, the hot head of the signs ruled by Mars, hosts the moon goddess, Selena, in her full glory, in the wee hours of tomorrow morning. Not only that, Selena is at her most powerful, bestowing influence from her closest proximity in her eliptic path around the earth.

Passions may well run high tonight, especially if you have your natal sun, moon or rising sign in Aries. The lust-re of Selena will reach its zenith. Tonight is a night for hot love, hot lust but beware you avoid making it a night for blood-lust, metaphorically and literally speaking.

Those of you who have Mars in a prominent position in your birth chart, may well experience his power. Those around you will be subject to this power. Be careful that you avoid falling foul of your false-ego’s lust for martian power. Over exertion will go beyond the outcome you seek – and cause harm.

Reflect over the last six months, since March. Which situations or relationships have arisen to make you angry, resentful, hurt or wounded. Whom do you blame or still carry a grudge toward? Now, at the time of the harvest moon, is time to let these feelings fall to earth. Cast them aside and reap the harvest within.

The Blood Moon specifically facilitates the opportunity to look within and seek the nature of the fear that attracted these situations and relationships. For that is their purpose, to awaken you to the fear (not-love) within.

This is the nature of duality. We know something is wet because its not dry. We know something is oblong because its not curved. We know love by knowing not-love.

And when we see through the murkiness of our fear, we see the light, the love, within. We see more of our true nature. We take a step closer to our purpose in life.

Selena’s gift, from her Blood Super Moon’s station, awaits.

Shine on…!

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Paul C Burr

Business/Personal Performance Coach, Author, Public Speaker, Visiting Lecturer, Singer, Film Extra and Model

Facebook: Beowulf (>15,000 followers)

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Blue Moon in Aquarius, 31 July 2015….

Blue_Moon-580x386…..opposing the generous and regal Leo in you, whose pride is easily hurt.

Take a big step back a look at the structure of, and emotions in, your life.
How have you developed over the last two weeks?
How have you developed over since January, this year?

Include yourself, in mind, body and spirit….
Emotionally, where or with whom have you received (a balance with) what you give?
Where are you giving too much? Do you do so out of duty, fear or love?
Where are you receiving more than you give? Do you do so out of pleasure or fear?

Take another step back. Look at the big picture in your life. Consider the consequences of your fears. This is a good time (When is it not?) to switch out all the decisions you are making in life out of fear.

Ask Billie Holiday! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9LOB_I7sgoI

Shine on…!

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Paul C Burr

Business/Personal Performance Coach, Author, Public Speaker, Visiting Lecturer, Singer, Film Extra and Model

Facebook: Beowulf (>15,000 followers)

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Druid Science – The Death or Rebirth of Incompletions

An extract from my forthcoming booklet (working title), The Threefold Death: the changes you make to approach inner wakefulness.

Of Spirit Force…

I can tell you as a result of my research about atoms this much: There is no matter as such. All matter originates and exists only by virtue of a force which brings the particle of an atom to vibration and holds this most minute solar system of the atom together. We must assume, behind this force, the existence of a conscious and intelligent mind. This mind is the matrix of all matter.
Max Planck, 1917

Max Plank

Image courtesy of Max Planck Institute for Extraterrestial Science

The future ‘dies’ when it meets the present – which ‘dies’ instantaneously into the past. There is plenty of evidence to prove what has happened in the past. Statisticians, economists and scientists gather evidence to project what will happen in the future. Despite all the evidence, the past no longer ‘is’ and future ‘is not’ yet present.

The only moment that truly ‘is’, is the present. Yet there is no evidence that the present tense exists – by this I mean, as close as scientists get to it, the present tense cannot be experienced through our five senses; it thus cannot be measured. What scientists measure instead is the before and after effects of ultra-micro interactions in time and space: for example, proton collisions, using the Hadron Collider in Switzerland. The Present Tense – which cannot be measured directly – is termed by scientists as a singularity point.

According to The Big Bang Theory, the universe started with such a singularity point. We can measure to within a zillionth of a second what happened after its inception, but we are not sure what banged – and the question of ‘why’, what-banged banged, transcends philosophical, religious, mystical, spiritual, and metaphysical domains.

The same holds true for black holes and dark matter. Scientists know of their existence because of the effect they have on things that can be observed and measured. Mathematical theory suggests that time and space collapse into nothing, a singularity point, at the centre of a black hole.

Time and space emanate from singularity points and ultimately return. And what fills that time and space (according to Planck and the ancients) is but a projection of the universal mind – of which you are an essential part. Through your mind you project thoughts, speak words and commit actions. And…

You are governed by The Laws of the Light and The Law of Consequences which, collectively, invoke dharma (Divine will) and karma (consequences).

The Laws of the Light:

When you commit to a journey, in line with your and others’ consciousness needs, at the right time and place, what you need will come your way.

The Law of Consequences:

What you project (do, say and think) out to the universe, returns to you amplified.

You attract, in/from the future, everything that is complete as well as incomplete in your approach to achieving your goals in life.

  • Completion: When something within is complete; you do, say, think, and feel things borne of the heart – love, light, compassion, patience, enthusiasm, and curiosity. You will have The Laws of the Light with you.
  • Incompletion: Unchecked, will invoke things you do, say and think not borne of the heart but instead borne of anger, shame, hurt, or fear.

I shall focus primarily on incompletions.

Should you learn and act appropriately from future’s gift (‘present’), you ‘complete your incompletion’. The incompletion unifies with its duality and thus is no longer perceivable by the mind. Zero projection by the mind means ‘it’ no longer exists in time and space. ‘It’, your completed incompletion, dies into the Present Tense, your true nature.

Should you ignore (or remain ignorant of) your incompletion, it travels unacknowledged into the past only to resurface again in (or back to) the future. Why? Because your mind is still projecting this incompletion through your thoughts, words and deeds.

The most common example, I know of, is the troublesome relationships that we invoke, time and time again. Relationships that keep repeating until we learn what we need to learn about ourselves and then ‘do’ something different in our approach. I have fallen foul of this as much as anyone I know.

Incompletions (recap: the inner things in me that attract the outer things I allow to make me feel angry, ashamed, hurt or fearful) keep being reborn in my life until I transcend to become my true nature – the love, light, truth and gnosis: the chokmah or wisdom of the I-am, the Je-suis, the Je-su(i)s within – as one of the standing stones in a circle at Stonehenge. This is my purpose in life.

Stonehenge under a red sky

Shine on…!

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Paul C Burr

Business/Personal Performance Coach, Author, Public Speaker, Visiting Lecturer, Singer, Film Extra and Model

Facebook: Beowulf (>15,000 followers)

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A Self-help Exercise for the Solar Eclipse, Friday, 20 March 2015: Super Selene Eclipses Helios’ Light

The Lunar Eclipse reaches its zenith at precisely 9:35:18am here in Hove, East Sussex, UK.

You can check out its effect and timing where you are by linking to http://www.timeanddate.com/eclipse/

The transit takes place at 29 degrees, Pisces, the most fantastical of the signs. Pisces brings us both the dreams of the cosmos (truth) and the world of illusion. Neptune, ruler of Pisces, now swims in its vast waters and will continue his journey through Pisces’ constellation for another eleven years. See Neptune Plunges into Pisces, 2012-2026 .

The Pisces/Neptune effect will thus be at its strongest. Furthermore the transit occurs in the last degree of Pisces which is a fractal of all the power and influence of the whole constellation.

The eclipse also precedes the Spring Equinox, the time to break through the surface to the light of summer which can only succeed when the seeds of our actions are rooted in truth.

Another biggy in the sky is Uranus (in Aries) squaring up with Pluto (in Sagittarius). The result is a huge tension between the revolutionary Uranus and the god of the underworld (death and transformation). So if you’ve been feeling the need for some radical change within recently – it’s probably down to Uranus and Pluto making their weight felt.

In summation, this solar eclipse could be far more powerful than we realise – and it heralds a time for change – global and personal. Discernment – between what is (true) and what is not (illusory) – is key.

Circle in square

The magicians of old spoke of the circle (the eternal body) within the square (the physical body). We live in the mother matrix (square) of this earthly realm, within which we find the eternal circle of life and death.

During the eclipse, the eternal circle of the sun is broken and interrupted for a couple of hours by the intervening moon. We lose a part of our connection, temporarily, with the eternal but we can use this opportunity to think and act practically; to change that which is rooted in not-truth (illusion) to truth.

Here’s a wee exercise to complete during the two hour window of opportunity that the solar eclipse brings you. Write down the answers to these questions by hand on notepaper to keep with you over the coming months.

  1. What are all the things that you are doing right now that you feel not-good about after you’ve done them?
  2. What is the logic behind why you do these things? What are the consequences of continuing these actions (or thoughts) in the short, medium and long term?
  3. How do you feel shortly after you’ve been doing these things? List down all the not-good feelings.
  4. How would you prefer to feel instead? List all the good feelings.
  5. What would you be doing differently that would engender these good feelings?
  6. What would be the consequences of doing these different things that would bring you good feelings?
  7. So what is that you commit to stop doing and what do you commit to doing differently instead?
  8. Will you start on or before the Spring Equinox? If your answer is “yes”, do it.

Switch from doing those things that make you feel not-good to things that make you feel good.

Shine on…!

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Paul C Burr

Business/Personal Performance Coach & Author Facebook: Beowulf (>15,000 followers)

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Let’s Dispel some Myths about Addiction

An extract from my forthcoming book, How to Be a Friend of the Devil Within (Quick Guides to Ancient Wisdom Series, No 2 & Mindfulness Exercises in Relationships, No 2).

Paperback Cover V2

Author’s note – The scientific citations in this section are drawn from Zeitgeist Moving Forward by Peter Joseph – for me, a life changing movie.

I define addiction as any behaviour that is associated with craving, with temporary relief, and with long term negative consequences, along with an impairment of control over it so that the person wishes to give it up or promises to do so – but can’t follow through…. (Author: when speaking of) drugs… television… video games… work-aholism… power… wealth… oil…
Dr Gabor Maté, Physician and Author, Portland Society

One of the most crazy-making and yet widespread and potentially dangerous notions is: “Oh, that behaviour is genetic”.
Dr Robert Sapolsky, Professor of Neurological Sciences, Stanford University

No substance, no drug nor behaviour by itself is addictive… so the valid question is “What makes a person susceptible to being addictive to a particular substance or behaviour?”
(Paraphrased) Dr Gabor Maté, Physician and Author, Portland Society

I recently came across an article that substantiates the non-addictiveness of substances, in the case of heroin, in The Likely Cause of Addiction Has Been Discovered, and It Is Not What You Think, by Johan Currie, author of Chasing The Scream: The First and Last Days of the War on Drugs (ref: The Huffington Post, 23/1/2015). Currie reports of a study that some 20% of soldiers serving in the Vietnam War became addicted to heroin. Upon returning home, some 95% of the addicted soldiers – according to the same study – simply stopped. Very few had ‘rehab’. The cause of the heroin addiction seemed to be the untenable environment of war. When the addicts returned to everyday life, the causation, for most of them, atrophied.
But what about the 5% whose addiction did not atrophy simply?
We have to look at the whole life experience… and that process begins in the womb.

For example, if you stress mothers during pregnancy, their children are more likely to have traits that predispose them to addictions…
(Paraphrased) Dr Gabor Maté, Physician and Author, Portland Society

The above scientifically-validated statements concur with…

The relationship we share with our mothers, from the ‘information’ they share through their blood (e.g. stress related hormones or agents from substances such as alcohol or tobacco) in the womb, through to the early years of childhood, shapes the relationship we have with our own physical bodies.
Druid wisdom

By considering addiction as a process of physical-self-abuse, you can perhaps see how ancient wisdom is concomitant with scientific study. People with unresolved, especially serious, issues with their mother are more likely to inflict abuse on their own physical bodies, through addictions or other forms of self-harm.
With specific regard to addiction, let us consider the words of Brené Brown. She advises that…

“You cannot numb yourself from hurt and fear without numbing yourself, at the same time, from joy and love.”

Through addictions, you cut yourself off from your awareness of the light and shadow within. And, in doing so, you effectively cut yourself off from your journey to love, your spiritual journey. Your life shall remain incomplete.

Fortunately, you have an inner entity to help you. His name is Set, the devil within. [Set etymologically became Saturn and Satan. We celebrate Sat(urns)day every week. See my book, How to be a Friend of the Devil Within, for further explanation.]

Author’s note – I have addictive traits to my personality but I have never considered myself to be addicted to a life threatening substance. I, thus, cannot speak ‘first-hand’ about tackling issues associated with alcoholism, drug addiction or other compulsions.
Friends of mine, who admit to being “addicts” or “users” in recovery, have successfully used the 12 Step Programme. Originally published by Alcoholics Anonymous, the 12 Step Programme nowadays is recognised as de jure by many of the leading organisations (e.g. Narcotics Anonymous and Overeaters Anonymous) who help people to live a new and healthy lives, through new codes of behaviour.
References: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twelve-step_program, http://www.aa.org/, http://www.na.org/, http://www.oa.org/

Shine on…!

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Paul C Burr

Business/Personal Performance Coach & Author Facebook: Beowulf (>16,000 followers)

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The Journey to Self-worth, Self-love and ultimately, Love – Starts with…

(This blog is an extract from a forthcoming book I’m writing with the working title, How to be a Friend of the Devil Within)

Three raysThree Constituents and their Dualities…

  1. Accept vulnerabilities: as necessary to the human condition. Avoid allowing them to dictate your actions. Avoid denying them. Learning from vulnerability is fundamental to knowing what being invulnerable means. That’s the paradox of duality – you know something is wet because you know it’s not not-wet, i.e. dry.

To understand invulnerability, allow yourself to ‘be ok being vulnerable’. As you learn more about vulnerability (defencelessness), you learn more about ‘not-vulnerabilty’, invulnerability.

Image courtesy of Cernonnos

Defencelessness becomes your strength – when you learn to apply its wisdom.

  1. Learn to be okay with uncertainty. For example, when you commit to a journey, you may not arrive at your intended destination. Likewise, when you allow yourself to fall in love, that love may be rejected or lost. Learn to avoid trying to control people to adhere to your will. Love is only achieved through choice and freedom and living with the uncertainty that choice and freedom imply. Put another way…

If you want to change something stop trying to control it.

  1. Self-love does not mean that you or life has to be perfect. You were designed to be incomplete. By all means strive to improve yourself or the life you lead AND ‘don’t beat yourself up for being imperfect’. You, your friends and acquaintances, your children and your enemies, none are perfect.

This is what researcher and storyteller, Brené Brown, says about raising children in a generation that has the highest rate of drug dependency, obesity and debt in history…

Our job is to say (to our children), “You know what? You are imperfect, you are wired to struggle – BUT you are worthy of love and belonging”. That’s our job. Show me a generation of children raised like that and we’ll end, I think, the problems we see today.
Brené Brown: The Power of Vulnerability

Be clear about your intended outcomes and commit to the journey to achieve them. The outcomes will not necessarily be spiritual. Yet the journey to complete – that which is incomplete (incomplete self-worth, incomplete self-love and incomplete love) – is always spiritual.

Your True Nature Creates Love

Being okay with the three states: vulnerability, uncertainty and imperfection, means that you no longer hold yourself back with emotions (anger, shame, hurt and fear) that stop you from expressing your true nature. Not feeling angry, hurt, ashamed or fearful allows you to embrace these four disabling-emotions’ dualities (enabling-emotions):

1. Not-anger =  compassion and patience

2. Not-shame = self-worth and faith-in-self

3. Not-hurt = joy and serenity

4. Not-fear = love.

Your true nature is to…

Create love, moment by moment, through a cocktail of compassion, patience, self worth, faith-in-self, completeness, serenity, and joy  – with a twist of enthusiasm and will-power.

Shine on… & a Happy Winter Solstice!

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Paul C Burr

Business/Personal Performance Coach & Author Facebook: Beowulf (>16,000 followers)

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Autumn Equinox, New Moon in Libra, Pluto Moves Forward in the Sky Again

crescent-moon-goddessTake a few moments to ‘harvest’ in all the new and enabling habits and developments in your inner world over the last 12 months.

Pluto in Capricorn has finished its back-tracking and now moves direct in the sky again. Your ‘digging up of old ground’ is now over. To the ancients (and hippies), ‘dig’ means think, see, get-it. Did you, can you, dig it?

Take stock as Pluto moves forward. Which lingering thoughts and habits no longer serve a useful purpose. Review those that you now wish to lay to rest.

Harvest: celebrate as you acknowledge the new and bid farewell to the old.

How can you bring more balance, truth and justice to your worlds, both outer and inner? The New Moon in Libra and Pluto offers you the opportunity to transform and begin anew.

Image courtesy of Susan Levitt

Shine on…!
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Paul C Burr
Business/Personal Performance Coach & Author
Facebook:
Beowulf (>16,000 followers)

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In Your Business (or Personal) Life, What is Mindfulness?

Extracts from Quick Guide V: How to Apply Mindfulness to Business.

Front Cover 8.5x5.25

 Mindfulness

Mindfulness means moment-to-moment, non-judgmental awareness. It is cultivated by refining our capacity to pay attention, intentionally, in the present moment, and then sustaining that attention over time as best we can. In the process, we become more in touch with our life as it is unfolding.
Jon Kabat-Zinn

Allow me to add my own business related definition.

Mindfulness is responding in the present moment without reacting through anger, shame, hurt or (the most likely feeling) fear. Instead it’s about having faith-in-self to use your intuition to respond with passion, curiosity to learn, composure, patience, compassion, harmony, and timing to complete whatever is incomplete in your approach to business relationships.


Mindfulness
Approach

If you are mindful of, moment by moment, you…

  • Demonstrate faith-in self, passion, curiosity to learn, composure, patience, and compassion.
  • Avoid both panicking and reacting out of anger, shame, hurt, and fear – instead, under-react.
  • Create harmony and resonance to nurture The Master Mind.

A Master Mind may be created through the bringing together or blending, in a spirit of perfect harmony, of two or more minds. Out of this harmonious blending the chemistry of the mind creates a third mind which be appropriated and used by one or all of the individual minds.
from The Law of Success, Napoleon Hill

  • Complete incompletions (when the future presents them to you and in the past you may have reacted negatively) to time.

Then, with these intentions, actions and qualities you apply…

The Mystique

You will induce everything that’s incomplete in your approach to your business relationship. This is the future’s gift to the present moment. You are given the opportunity to rise above anger, shame, hurt, and fear (borne of the past tense).

When you complete anything in your business approach that is incomplete, it travels into the past and need never return. If you react negatively, i.e. it remains incomplete, it travels into the past before returning to the future – so that you attract the same source of anger, shame, hurt, and fear once again.

The goals of nurturing healthy business relationships may be financial success and kudos but these things are not the purpose.

The real purpose of any relationship, business or otherwise, is the development of self (consciousness) to be the very best at what you do.

When you achieve the above, the goals and purpose become one. You cannot fail because there is no one better and you have no fear of not-success – because…

The Mystique
Genuinely having no fear tells you that not-success no longer exists.

There’s a corollary to this. To release your fear you need to approach not-success. Which is why I encourage you to…

Include not-success as well as success in what you want.

Get it?

Shine on…!
/|\
Paul C Burr
Business/Personal Performance Coach & Author
Facebook:
Beowulf (>16,000 followers)

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Mindfulness Case Study: Unrequited Love

MystiqueExtract from The Mystique to the Game of Life (and Unrequited Love) from Amazon US, UK and worldwide.

Pre-reading to explain some of the terms used, see blog, The Game of Life

Client Case Study of Unrequited Love – Part 4 of 4; Vulnerabilities, Repeating Patterns, Frozen Trauma, Activating Event, Core Beliefs and Dysfunctional Assumptions

My client  recognised the ‘cat and mouse’ nature of the repeating behavioural patterns in a relationship he had with “someone who loves me as a friend and no more”. He would attempt to remain mindful and stay courteously detached when in his partner’s company. He would laugh and joke with her but would not allow himself to get carried away and be overtly affectionate with her – which is what he wanted to do as a natural course of events. She would often hold his hand or touch his neck and shoulder. He would return that affection but only briefly. He feared he would lose his mindfulness and expose any vulnerabilities he held about himself.

After say an hour or so of this ‘cat and mouse’ game, his partner would catch him off guard. For example, she would sit next to him, place her hands between and squeeze his legs half way between his knees and genitalia and then direct his hand to the same position between her legs. She always held his hands firmly so she could direct them to parts of her body where she felt comfortable being touched. My client respected this but in that moment of physical tenderness, he lost his state of mindfulness and yearned that she would allow the touching to continue and become more intimate. But she would never allow that.

As soon as he allowed this state of yearning to arise, his partner would kiss him and hug him several times and leave quickly. He would then feel saddened by her departure. Sometimes that sadness would turn to anger, not towards his partner, but towards himself – for allowing himself to get “sucked into the situation of unrequited yearning” again.

Because of these continuing setbacks, he would question his own motives and whether he was conning himself or not that he really was practising mindfulness. He would question whether mindfulness itself was valid or just a psychologist/spiritualist fad that people have cottoned on to – like The Law of Attraction; of which he would think to himself, “Everybody’s buying books about it and doing it but I don’t see many people attracting the things they really want!”

My client knew his intentions were good and wanted only the best for both he and his partner. He kept going. He remembered to practise patience with and compassion for himself. He waited consciously for the wisdom of what was incomplete in him to arrive. And when it came, he realised that it could only arrive under duress. He would have to attract it wantonly and no-one could help him in this matter.

One night, his partner announced that she was fed up with her life and was going away to France for a week with a view to emigrating there as soon as she could. My client got very upset in the moment but kept his cool. After his partner had left, my client realised that he was still attached to the successful outcomes, he’d defined for the relationship, and that he had to let go of this attachment. He had to stop succumbing to his desires whilst still loving his partner and releasing the anger (the sign of an incompletion) that kept welling up in him. He realised that he’d lost touch with his purpose (the journey to completeness or love) for the relationship and become attached to its outcome instead.

As he ‘gazed’ at the repeating behavioural patterns, he saw the same fear of rejection in his partner that he saw in himself – and the many relationships before her that all had the same ‘cat and mouse’ pattern to them. He realised how he had attracted a series of relationships throughout his life that were all destined to end traumatically in rejection after a short while. It was as if he was seeking this trauma subliminally because of a subconscious programme running within him. (This type of repeating pattern is sometimes referred to as a frozen trauma; frozen in time; frozen in the past tense.)

My client sought the source of his repeating traumas. Under therapy, he went back to his childhood and kept going back in time until he reached the very beginning.

He was two months in the womb. His subconscious mind became alert to his mother not wanting a child. His mother was rejecting him before he had even been born. This was the source of his frozen trauma in time and he had been living out a reaction to this rejection all his life.

Inspired by druidic wisdom…

Life requires wholeness. The subconscious mind prompts the attraction of events and people who mirror what is incomplete within us. Some of us try to escape from this ‘requirement’ by…

1. Lapsing into a state of depression so that we won’t even want to get out bed in the morning to face life.

2. Building a psychological shield to protect ourselves from repeating a trauma, in this case ‘rejection’, i.e. we deny ourselves the facility to love and be loved wholly for fear of rejection.

Or

3. Distracting ourselves from thinking about the incompleteness in our lives through drink, drugs, gambling, sex, mindless TV and the like.

The only alternative is to journey the road to wholeness, completeness, love. All other roads lead back this road eventually. In this, we have no choice.

My client could now see more clearly how his partner was acting out on his behalf the frozen trauma he first had with his mother. A trauma (incompleteness) that he still hadn’t resolved within himself. In seeing (becoming a seer) he had already taken a major step and readied himself to take the next one.

Together we sought the activating event by which my client started the relationship patterns that would reflect his frozen trauma in time. He was 13 years old and earned pocket money gardening. He attracted the attention of a 32 year old spinster with whom he entered into a sexual relationship that lasted for three years. He fulfilled his nascent adolescent desire for sex but, he also felt very guilty after every recreational encounter with the woman. He felt he “had sinned before God”.

Yet it was only now that he saw the subliminal reason for participating in underage sex. He felt that he could control the woman. He could say how, when and where they came together. And if she were to reject him, he held the threat of reporting her actions to the authorities.

My client saw how, following this activating event, he (even with what he thought was good intention) would use generosity to woo, or coldness to threaten, women to get what he wanted from their relationship and avoid rejection. And he had used both strategies on his existing partner to no avail. She refused him intimacy because she had her own holding patterns running. And yet my client and his partner both talked of the special connection between them and their love for one another.

My client had now taken a further step, under therapy, to unearth the wisdom of the incompleteness he was hiding from himself. As he sat in silence, I got my client to focus on where and how the prospect of releasing himself from his frozen trauma affected his physical body. He described the feeling of locked or trapped energy, as he pointed to the centre of his chest, half way up his sternum.

I got my client to shine light into the area and asked him what core beliefs (about self) did he see or hear that blocked the flow of energy (chi) through his body. He spoke of four things: two core beliefs and two dysfunctional assumptions (about others) with which he allowed to hold himself back…

1. All relationships and agreements break eventually (dysfunctional assumption).

2. I am unworthy of a lasting relationship (core belief).

3. Women are out to hurt me (dysfunctional assumption).

4. I must have the power to be able to hurt them first. With this power I can threaten or control them (core belief).

I reminded my client that…

A belief is merely a thought that we hold true for a long time. It is no more true or false than any other thought. A thought is not a fact and, as Eckhart Toll reminds us, “You are not your thoughts”.

My client now had all the information he needed at his disposal to avoid him getting “sucked in” to the same old behavioural patterns he’d been subjecting himself to. Was this ‘game over?’ No. He still had to do the work mindfully to avoid reacting to his partner’s ‘cat and mouse’ behaviours. Instead he determined to show her love, enthusiasm, compassion, patience and continue to work on his own completeness.

His partner still had her own holding patterns to work on but it was not within his power or right to change her. It was within his power to change himself only, i.e. change the relationship to the relationship he had with his partner. And by replacing ‘reaction’ with ‘action’, he was prepared to trust himself, the process of mindfulness and his journey to love, regardless of whether that love was requited or not.

Shine on…!
/|\
Paul C Burr
Business/Personal Performance Coach & Author
Facebook:
Beowulf (>16,000 followers)

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The Mystique to the Game of Life

IMG_1662Extracts from my forthcoming booklet (now in draft form, being proof-read):

The Mystique to the Game of Life (and Unrequited Love)

#Mindfulness in Relationships Series, No 1

Have you ever loved someone so dearly and have that love not returned? The other person shares everything apart from their love. They refuse to surrender themselves to the process of love; the unconditional surrender of freedom to the commitment that love requires.

Have you ever felt sick to the stomach over unrequited love?

Have you ever yearned in your heart or loins for someone when your head is telling you…

  • “This is absolutely the wrong partner for you”?
  • “Bottom line, she/he just doesn’t fancy you”?
  • “You and him/her, it’s never going to happen”?

Or something like

  • “She/he simply doesn’t love you the way you love her/him”?

Your head judges, your loins desire sexual fulfilment and your heart seeks to share love. I call this the Head, Heart and Loins dynamics of a relationship. When all three are aligned, within and between partners, their relationship is probably in good shape to meet the outcomes they seek. (The same holds true for a personal friendship whether there is a sexual element to that friendship or not.) I speak neither of good nor bad, nor moralise. I speak of the process of achieving a purpose through the journey to the goals you set for the relationship, be those goals profound or for short term recreation.

Mindfulness, sometimes referred to as being present in the moment, is the process of creating love, enthusiasm, compassion, patience and completeness in the moment (by moment) – regardless of whether these vibrations are returned or not. It takes mindfulness to fulfil a relationship’s true purpose, which curiously can be achieved whether the goals are achieved or not.

For example, in movies and songs I’ve heard the phrase, “You complete me”. Well if someone’s purpose is to become complete and they set a goal to find someone who completes them – what happens should they achieve completeness? They no longer need someone else for that purpose.

Other people don’t complete you. You find ‘completeness’ through the journey to ‘completeness’; you find ‘oneness’.

Mindfulness is the vehicle by which to travel the journey.

Shine on…!
/|\
Paul C Burr
Business/Personal Performance Coach & Author
Facebook: Beowulf
(>16,000 followers)

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