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Love is Not-love Until… (A Magician I Should Turn To Be) – a slightly revised version of a previous meditation on unrequited love

Love is Not-love Until…

The battles I have fought to have you choose love.
I have mustered the elements in vain.
With swords, wands and wealth,
I hold out the chalice of love to seal our bond.
Yet I cannot enchant your will
To drink its golden promise.

Time after time, we kiss, we embrace, we fear, we part.
Later, we come together again.
Drawn like moths to the flames in one another’s hearts;
Again we kiss, we embrace, we fear…
The dark, a-void between us, too great to span.
I’ve stood close to its edge, too fearful to jump
Into the shadows where lies a monster,
Borne from an age gone by.
Resurrected within us, through childhood memories,
Too dark to look back on, too hurtful to recall.

The monster, from Past, feeds on our fears.
Our karmic pact to slay the beast remains incomplete.
And so the monster returns to Future
Which presents itself to us now.

At last, my soul cries “enough!”
I descend the depths where my light shines dimly.
I hope you’ll join me but I, resolved,
Commit to love you regardless.

I have wanted you, as I have wanted no other.
I have attracted you as I have attracted no other
I have repelled you, as I have repelled no other.
And…
I love you, as I have loved no other.

You love me, as you have loved no other.
And still…
We cannot be as one until the beast is slain

In the smoke below, the beast takes form.
In its gut burns anger.
Its throat chokes with fear.
In its head hangs shame
And in its heart festers hurt, a wound that will not heal.

I approach with sword and shield
And the beast is gone.
Again… and it is gone.
Again… and it is gone.
I wait silently.

Into the black I see a face, familiar.
I lay down my weapons of convention.
The billows part to reveal a mirror.
Before me stands Past;
A heavy yolk I have carried all my life.
Childhood grief pierces my heart.
As I lift the yolk to bear its weight,
All conflict unresolved wounds my body.
My mind panics. I want to cast off my mantle
And run away, like so many times before.
Yet I remain still and empty my mind.
I create a circle of light to protect me
And look to the Light within.

I see through Past’s deception;
To rob me of golden Future now,
The present moment eternal.
I stand on the shoreline of unconsciousness
I hear voices but no words of wisdom
I see with no eyes
I feel without touch.
The Light fills my body
The anger calms
The hurt heals
The shame lifts
I shine the light…
Towards the dark door to Future.
At which I hear ‘the knock’.
I am tempted to flee again,
Back from whence I came, to Past,
Who beckons me to turn back from what Future offers
Whilst my innermost fear locks the door tight.
Instead I choose courage.
To become fearless; I turn the lock
To greet the stranger without.

Before me stands an angel.
I bid her welcome.
She dines with me and I with her as…
She reveals the illusion of my fear.
I see all that remains incomplete;
Core beliefs I allow to deceive myself;
False assumptions that ward off love, not danger.
I feel a fool, pathetic.

The angel speaks.

“Acknowledge that Future reveals all that you do not love about yourself,
Given to it by Past.
Yet Future’s other gift is Present.
The gift to complete all that is incomplete.
Love is complete. All that is not complete, incomplete, is not Love.
Present is now. All that is not now is not present. It is illusion. It is not.
And yet you allow what is not to determine your path.
Instead choose what you want, ‘success’. Future will bring it to you after you have completed the incomplete; release the fears by which you shield yourself from ‘not-success’.)
Venture towards ‘success’ and ‘not-success’ together. Bid Future to bring you your fears. The Journey to Love requires that you release them.
Then let go of success and not-success; focus only on the Journey.
Practise love, self-love first, and thence for all.
Practise compassion, self-compassion first, and thence for all.
Practise patience, first with self, then others
Practise completeness, by releasing all fear from self.
As your fear of ‘not-success’ dispels then Future presents no more fear.
Not-success disappears, leaving only ‘success’.
You create success out of the nothingness of no fear.
This is how the Ancients practised magic.
A warrior is brave, fearless, prepared for battle.
A magician is wise, fearlessness, sees through the illusion of fears past; no need for bravery anymore.
Your purpose is to shine the Love; the Light that you, complete, are.
Trust yourself.
Trust the process (and you travel in wisdom)
That others cannot see yet.
Yet you see, become a seer,
Shine the light for others to see, for themselves.”

Our meal complete, the angel leaves.
I ascend from the (a)void and see you close, to its edge.
I make no motion to encourage you my love.
The choice to meet your angel is yours and yours alone.
And I shall love you regardless.

 

Shine on…!
/|\
Paul C Burr
Business/Personal Performance Coach & Author
Facebook:
Beowulf (>16,000 followers)

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Paradise Is An Inside Job.

Fools ParadiseWho’s fooling whom?

Judge not the paradise of fools.
For their paradise is not yours.
Even if only a fool would find joy there.
Let them step naively (knavely).
Let your and their joy be one.

(Inspired by Bertrand Russell)

(Image of Tepooka, Edinburgh Festival)

Shine on…!
/|\
Paul C Burr
Business/Personal Performance Coach & Author
Facebook:
Beowulf (>16,000 followers)

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Beowulf: Warrior, Magician & Therapist

Beowulf.firstpage

Written some 1500 years ago, by an anonymous bard, Beowulf tells the story of a gallant hero who travels north to Denmark to slay the swamp beast, Grendel.

(Image: first page of Beowulf manuscript)

Grendel would visit the local King Hrothgar’s castle and set about killing all whom it encountered, carrying severed limbs and bodies back to its lair at the bottom of a deep dark lake.

Beowulf slays Grendel. That night there is much merriment and feasting, Beowulf and his men retire to a far part of the castle.  A second creature enters the hall where many still celebrate. The creature, Grendel’s mother, the source of the problem, wreaks her revenge. Like Grendel, she retires to her lair and Beowulf sets off after her.

The presenting problem is never the real problem. The real problem lies behind all the presenting problems. When the real problem disappears, so do all of its presenting problems.

Beowulf approaches the edge of the lake. Below him in the deep dark abyss lies the beast in her lair. Before he descends there is great temptation to withhold and draw back but with courage – afforded by the finest sword, shield and armour – Beowulf steps forward and descends into the darkness, his darkness. Below, he and the beast engage in battle. He finds the magnificent sword, shield and armour – that protect him so well on the surface – serve no use in the darkness. Beowulf casts them off. He reveals his unprotected self, his complete vulnerability. Beowulf and the beast become one in combat and as they wrestle, Beowulf finds a luminous sword of light that hangs on the wall of the lair – a sword with which he slays the beast.

As Beowulf rises to the surface to reveal the beast’s head, he finds that the luminous sword dissolves. The luminous sword that worked in the darkness has no power in the known world. It leaves Beowulf unable to demonstrate its power. For others to understand the sword’s power, they must descend into darkness and find it for themselves. They must experience their own victory. They must choose courage.

We cannot stare at the sun in a noon-day cloudless sky.
Light cannot be seen in the light.
At midnight, the cloudless sky reveals infinity.
By clouds, I mean ‘clouds of emotion’ – shame, anger, sadness and fear.
Glory comes from our journey into the darkness.

 

Shine on…!
/|\
Paul C Burr
Author of Learn to Love and Be Loved in Return, 2012: a twist in the tail and Defrag your Soul

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Epistle II, Extract by Alexander Pope

Thank you Clare Flourish for introducing this profound poem to me, about the nature of man. Image sourced from Lancashire University.

Know then thyself, presume not God to scan, 
The proper study of mankind is Man. 
Placed on this isthmus of a middle state, 
A being darkly wise and rudely great: 
With too much knowledge for the Sceptic side, 
With too much weakness for the Stoic’s pride, 
He hangs between, in doubt to act or rest; 
In doubt to deem himself a God or Beast; 
In doubt his mind or body to prefer; 
Born but to die, and reas’ning but to err; 
Alike in ignorance, his reason such, 
Whether he thinks too little or too much; 
Chaos of thought and passion, all confused; 
Still by himself abused or disabused; 
Created half to rise, and half to fall; 
Great lord of all things, yet a prey to all; 
Sole judge of truth, in endless error hurl’d; 
The glory, jest, and riddle of the world!” 
― Alexander Pope

Shine on…!
/|\
Paul C Burr

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