Posts Tagged anger
Shame, Not-self-love, Is the First Step toward Mind Control
Posted by Doctapaul in Healing, Life's Changes, Love, Personal, Pitfalls I've Fallen Into, Relationships, Self Development, Soundbytes of Wisdom, Tip for the Day, Training & Development on March 21, 2013
As a child I was taught to (do things that) please God and fear the Devil. By the age of 12, I allowed a cleric’s sermon to make me feel ashamed for all the ‘wrong’ things I did, thought and felt – like most young folk do, think and feel as they reach puberty. Much later I realised that guilt or shame is half of the ‘carrot and stick’ deal that parents, governments and some religions use to ‘control’ children, the populace and followers respectively.
Illustration by Andrea Kurucz
When you allow someone else to make you feel not good about yourself, you accede to their first step in mind control. Their intent is that you do their bidding, not your own.
To avoid mind control, you need to understand the nature of your own shame; you need to venture into your own ‘underworld’ to find the sources of that shame. Especially those things your parents did that made you feel ashamed as a child and perhaps hid away deep within you unknowingly.
You may not know consciously all the sources of shame you possess and may need some form of ‘plutonic’ awakening to unearth them. Shame is a gap between how you perceive you are and how you’d like to be. In my life I’ve been ashamed of being overweight, of hurting people but the deepest and most profound shame (that I’ve only recently discovered) was that I was not worthy of my parents’ love. And if I was not worthy of their love, I was not worthy of self-love. And if I was not worthy of self-love then I was worthy to love someone else – because I can’t give what I don’t possess. My shame stultified my capacity to love and be loved in return.
When you do something out of shame you may allay feeling that shame, but you never rid yourself of it. You can’t atone shame – but you can release it. You release shame by practicing self-forgiveness.
I’ve shared how my understanding of forgiveness has evolved in two previous blogs (Replace Forgiveness with Accountability and Client:-”I Can’t Forgive Myself.” – “You Don’t Need To.”).
In a nutshell:
Self-forgiveness is not about one part of you saying to another, “Even though you did wrongly I forgive you”. It’s about releasing all judgement.
Shame is a form of not-self-love that lives in your head, rent free. Self-forgiveness is allowing that not-self-love to leave completely.
When not-self-love leaves, all that remains is self-love; what’s in your head aligns with the love you hold in your heart.
You become love wholly.
You shine!
Shine on…!
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Paul C Burr
Author of Learn to Love and Be Loved in Return, 2012: a twist in the tail and Defrag your Soul
Follow @paulburr
Tip for the Day: The Purpose of Duality
Posted by Doctapaul in Healing, Life's Changes, Love, Personal, Pitfalls I've Fallen Into, Relationships, Self Development, Soundbytes of Wisdom, Tip for the Day on March 13, 2013
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Take a quiet moment to yourself. What’s the biggest issue you face? Now look at yourself in an imaginary mirror. Which part of you attracted that issue? For what purpose?
Remember the ‘wet and dry’ of life. You can’t know what love or joy is without knowing what not-love and not-joy is.
Wisdom
Life’s journey is about discerning that part of you that attracts love from that part that doesn’t – and putting that wisdom into practice.
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(If you feel you can’t put your heart and soul into practice then ‘act as if’. Pretend, like an innocent child, with no ulterior motive other than the curiosity of seeing what happens.)
Picture sourced from Handwriting Analysis
Shine on…!
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Paul C Burr
Author of Learn to Love and Be Loved in Return, 2012: a twist in the tail and Defrag your Soul
Follow @paulburr
Tip for the Day: Combine Patience with Serenity
Posted by Doctapaul in Healing, Love, Personal, Relationships, Self Development, Soundbytes of Wisdom, Tip for the Day, Visions and Dreams on March 12, 2013
Patience
Serenity
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Practise patience and view all things around you with serene eyes. The world will no longer withold the love you were born to receive.
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(If you feel you can’t put your heart and soul into practice then ‘act as if’. Pretend, like an innocent child, with no ulterior motive other than the curiosity of seeing what happens.)
Pictures sourced from Handwriting Analysis
Shine on…!
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Paul C Burr
Author of Learn to Love and Be Loved in Return, 2012: a twist in the tail and Defrag your Soul.
Follow @paulburr
If you want a successful relationship you need to feel good about yourself.
Posted by Doctapaul in Love, Personal, Pitfalls I've Fallen Into, Relationships on February 4, 2013
The seed of a strong relationship, its foundation, must grow into a solid root(ed in truth). Otherwise, we create an unsustainable imbalance. The relationship will eventually topple or die on the vine because it lacks equilibrium.
Lack of equilibrium between two people, develops when:
- One partner destabilises the other by bringing them down (and keeping them there).
- The ‘stronger’ reinforces this and reminds the ‘weaker’ partner of the consequences of their actions
- The ‘stronger’ provides the ‘weaker’ with the solution to their ills. But this is the ‘stronger’ partner’s will and bidding, not the ‘weaker’ partner.
Like a seed, a relationship starts its life very much in the dark. We know not of what lies ahead – nor appreciate what it (the seed of the relationship) can become. After the flush of ecstasy during the first few days/weeks/months together, something unexpected happens. One or both partners find themselves getting upset.
People, who get upset easily, will not succeed in the onerous setbacks that most relationships (or challenging journeys) bring from time to time. The more upset we get, the more we do not feel good about ourselves and the more we often hide about ourselves.
We may bottle our feelings up at first. We keep quiet. We fear that we will upset (or not be seen as good enough by) our partner. Eventually, when we reach exasperation point, we can boil over and let our negative emotions fly. It’s not love that lets fly, it’s fear.
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As real as it feels, fear is illusory. And illusion is only dispelled by truth. For a relationship to fulfill its potential wholly, it must pass through the stage in its development called ‘truth’, in which there are no hidden agendas. Feelings and intentions are shared openly and honestly.
We observe a spiral effect. As fear is dispelled, (and as) more truth is revealed, more fear is dispelled, and so on. Counter-wise, fear serves to hide the truth, which when hidden creates more fear, and so on. (Such a fear-based relationship thus cannot get past the hidden agendas that hold it back.)
We choose with every decision we make, which way the relationship travels the spiral, up or down, truth or fear, oneness or separateness, love or power (control).
Real love is borne inside out. We need to feel good about ourselves from the inside, and not solely because someone else (i.e. our partner) makes us feel good about ourselves. We thus free ourselves to stand in our truth without any shield behind which to hide our fears. It can appear that we are making ourselves defenceless. But truth drives out falsity. Our defencelessness is thus our strength, to share a relationship rooted in truth.
Shine on…!
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Paul C Burr
Follow @paulburr
Temperance
Posted by Doctapaul in Healing, Life's Changes, Love, Personal, Pitfalls I've Fallen Into, Self Development, Soundbytes of Wisdom on December 19, 2012
…does not mean ‘do without or prohibit’.
It means balance.
Temperance: Major Arcana card no 14, from the Ancient Tarot Deck of Marseilles by Jean Dodal, 1718.
Remove balance in life and you limit your perspective. The workaholic might not give themselves the time to enjoy a healthy personal life. The addict can’t see outside the control of their habit. The drunkard inebriates themselves from sobriety. In all three cases, the protagonist lives their life in denial.
Should you avoid temperance, not only do you limit your learning, you can do yourself harm – physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. As such, you harm the environment you live in and those nearest and dearest to you. Lack of temperance, by definition, means an excess of, or gluttony for, one thing over another. Be it work, alcohol, drugs, mindless TV or computer games – the excess means that you deny yourself health, which has consequences.
Have you ever watched downhill tobogganing on TV? The more often a sleigh hits the wall, the more it slows down through friction. And when it bounces off sideways the team are using their energy laterally to get back on track. Whilst it’s traversing it has to travel farther than a direct descent down the middle of the run. The middle way is the fastest and smoothest.
Study the Temperance card, from the 18th Century, Ancient Tarot Deck of Marseilles, by Jean Dodal. You observe a grounded female angel clad evenly in red (fire, hot, male) and blue (water, cool, female). Her arms are dressed in red, to signify strength and power of Mars. Her blue covered torso signifies the love and beauty of Venus. Water from the higher cup flows into and cleanses that of the lower. Not a drop is spilt or wasted; the flow is steady and harmonious. Her wings reveal she is an angel who may advise, guide and protect us. Her work embraces the harmony of opposites.
The Angel of Temperance teaches us that life’s direction leads eventually to the middle path. We do not need to swing extremely and continually between feast and famine, peace and war, love and hate, mercy and severity, prosperity and poverty, abundance and scarcity, riches and debt, victory and defeat, mine and yours, property and theft. When we embrace both aspects of duality as one, we create oneness. Something is only good for one, when it is good for all. There is no us and them, there is no me without not me. There is only us, together we become oneness.
When we bring temperance into our lives, we exemplify oneness.
(extract from my forthcoming book, from Defrag your Soul, due out next week.)
Shine on…!
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Paul C Burr
Follow @paulburr
Defrag your Soul: audio recording of talk about parts of the this forthcoming book, due for publication Summer 2012
Posted by Doctapaul in book, Healing, Life's Changes, Love, Personal, Pitfalls I've Fallen Into, Self Development, Soundbytes of Wisdom, Training & Development, Visions and Dreams on May 14, 2012
Click here: DEFRAG YOUR SOUL
Transform your Consciousness:
a practical guide for the beginner and seasoned traveller within…
Illustration by Andrea Kurucz, selected as part of a gallery of drawings for Defrag your Soul.
Extended extract from a talk I gave to the National Federation of Spiritual Healers, on Saturday 12 May 2012, in central London. The talk contains some topics from my book, Defrag your Soul, due for publication in Summer of 2012.
Parts of the talk include:
- Beyond NLP
- What is your purpose in life?
- Duality
- How do you take spiritual steps on your journey within? How do you know you’ve taken them?
- The Etheric Body aka The Vital Body
- The links between the Etheric Body and Health
- The path to magic
Shine on…!
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Paul C Burr
Follow @paulburr
Love your Bubble of Fear
Posted by Doctapaul in book, Healing, Life's Changes, Love, Personal, Pitfalls I've Fallen Into, Poetry, Relationships, Self Development, Soundbytes of Wisdom, Visions and Dreams on March 1, 2012
Allow your fear into your consciousness. Place it in a bubble. Neither attempt to hold the bubble nor prod it. Let the bubble float freely. Surround the bubble skin with love. Be patient. Wait for love’s miraculous power of osmosis to weave its magic. The fear will wave farewell.
Image sourced from Fine Art America
Shine on…!
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Paul C Burr
Follow @paulburr
The Law of Reversibility – the What and How – more Powerful than the Law of Attraction
Posted by Doctapaul in Healing, Life's Changes, Love, Personal, Pitfalls I've Fallen Into, Relationships, Self Development, Soundbytes of Wisdom on February 28, 2012
An extract from
Defrag your Soul
- Image from http://exper.3drecursions.com/
The Law of Reversibility
If situations (events and people) can affect your emotional state, then inducing that same emotional state will manifest the same events and people into your life. Manifesting is not attracting. It’s creating something that’s already there, should you really want it. It requires focus, imagination and faith – in yourself.
(But you also need to know clearly what you are manifesting.)
About the Law of Duality
To know love, for example, you need to know not-love. So learning not-love serves a purpose. You are indirectly learning about love. And you won’t experience love wholly until you complete your learning. Here lies the rub of duality. This is how life works.
So…
Be clear that what you imagine will bring you what your soul seeks. And know that all the things that you experience – that you don’t want – serve a purpose.
The Law of Reversibility is far more powerful than the Law of Attraction. Rather than attract what you don’t have, you know you can have exactly what you want. It already exists in the field of unlimited possibilities. Manifesting requires practice, faith and imagination. Try it.
Imagination – takes place in your mind. It means place an image-in-ions (atoms). Your conscious mind passes the information (your emotional state) pertaining to that image to your unconscious mind. The unconscious mind then signals your DNA to send out the corresponding vibe to the universe.
DNA – is your transmitter to the universe. It transmits your signal of how you are feeling in the moment – your vibe. Its signal is governed by your unconscious mind.
Unconscious mind – passes the decisions made by the conscious mind to each and every body cell in your body. It also collects the vibes you pick up unknowingly and stores that information away too. It protects you from information that it feels you cannot cope with. All the information, good and bad, is stored away in your holographic Etheric Body. Each and every body cell is a fractal (the whole is contained in each fractal) of your Etheric Body’s hologram.
Body cell – Each and every body cell contains your whole life history, your memories, feelings, reactions and actions, everything that’s happened to you knowingly and unknowingly. It is placed in cellular memory.
Vibe – is the vibration that your DNA sends out to the universe. You can increase the power of this vibe by acting as if you already have what you seek.
Act as if – The brain executes the same neural pathways in the same way, whether you’re viewing real life situations or dreaming about them. The mind cannot tell the difference between the real world and an imaginary world. By acting as if you already have what you want in your imagination – you fool the mind into thinking the same. The conscious mind thus directs the unconscious mind to inform your DNA to send out a corresponding vibe. Over time, you attract what you want, as long as you keep faith in yourself and live your dream.
Soul – The body cells that constitute your physical body, inform your soul of the direction you seek to take. The soul cross references your intentions and behaviours with its quest – your life purpose. Soul then signals, via the mind, spirit to inform it of the new experiences it seeks to attract.
Spirit – is the force which manifests form: people things and events, to take you down your chosen life’s path, to your true self, your soul’s quest. But spirit can only manifest via the mind. The decision as to what to manifest is taken by the mind. The mind contains four things that sully spirit’s power to attract what your soul wants: guilt, anger, sadness and fear – the four seeds of karma.
Karma – you invoke a karmic response when you veer from the path of your chosen life’s journey. Karma tells you that you are allowing guilt, anger, sadness and fear to cloud your decisions; that you have gone astray.
False ego – is the keeper of guilt, anger, sadness and fear. It’s has a dual edged sword type of existence. It holds on to these negative emotions and attempts to control your mind with them. But also, it knows full and well that its purpose is to reveal the source of these negative emotions to you when the time is right – so that you can release them. In a paradoxical way, your false ego beckons your light. It knows when to submit to your light to shine within in its dark shadows. Each time you shine more light into your false ego’s shadows, you take a spiritual step on your chosen life’s journey – toward your true self.
Spiritual steps – are what you take when you allow and release all the guilt, anger, sadness and fear in your life that stops you from taking that step. Each step takes you closer to your true self.
True self – the purpose of your life is to find, open, become and express your true self. If you don’t know it already, you find the purpose of your life by following your passions. Once you find out what your purpose is, you open up it up to understand the implications it holds for you. Becoming your true self takes time. You have to find and open each spiritual step on the way. As you take each step, you become closer to your true self. You gain wisdom. You complete that step when you apply that wisdom to serve humankind. You shine. You express more of your true self – a deathless solar star.
Shine on…!
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Paul C Burr
Follow @paulburr
Neither Feed nor Fight Fear
Posted by Doctapaul in Healing, Life's Changes, Love, Personal, Pitfalls I've Fallen Into, Relationships, Self Development, Soundbytes of Wisdom on February 23, 2012
Spirit doesn’t work through intellect. Spirit affects feelings that pass through the mind to be interpreted and experienced. If the conscious mind is receptive to these feelings, you feel good, you can become high spirited. Your conscious mind passes the feeling of goodness to your unconscious mind – which despatches signals to your DNA to expand and increase their vibration. Your DNA rejoices. You send out a good vibe to the universe.
Image sourced from Scrape TV
When the feelings despatched by spirit touch a “nerve,” a fear, your mind becomes unreceptive. This fear passes straight down into your unconscious mind, on to your DNA, which sends out a negative vibe to the universe. It wasn’t spirit that sent you a negative feeling, it was your mind that transmuted spirit’s signal into fear. Spirit can’t force you to choose courage instead of fear. It tells you. You intuit what spirit says. Your intuition might prompt you to choose courage – but your conscious mind has power of veto. So listen to spirit carefully.
When your intuition tells you to, choose courage. And when you’re completely honest with yourself, your heart will create boundaries to protect you. Choose the courage to allow fear into your conscious psyche. Neither feed nor fight that fear. Acknowledge it and let it be. Your unconscious mind has then no negative signals to send to your DNA.
Allow fear space. Let it be. Fear that is neither fed nor fought gets “bored eventually – and leaves. Spirit rewards courage and honesty with protection.
The learning process, to allow fear space, is subtle. Fear’s subsequent release is even more subtle. It’s not an intellectual process. But once you have experienced a release, you’ll know what I’m talking about.
Sometimes your fear might be unconscious. In which case go get professional help to unearth it. Find out what it is, where it came from, how you got it, who gave it you – and the impact it’s had on the decisions you make in life. And when you find out…..
Let your fear be. Take your time. Tread one step at a time with spirit. There’s a temptation to rush ahead; fill in the blanks to missing wisdom with fantasy; join dots that aren’t meant to be connected. Tread carefully, honestly, courageously and diligently. Find your truth.
Shine on…!
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Paul C Burr
Follow @paulburr
Client:-“I Can’t Forgive Myself.” – “You Don’t Need To.”
Posted by Doctapaul in Current Affairs & The Economy, Healing, Life's Changes, Love, Personal, Pitfalls I've Fallen Into, Relationships, Self Development, Soundbytes of Wisdom, Visions and Dreams on January 20, 2012
Image from Oneness, Conscious Choices
There’s no such thing as forgiveness. Humankind is not empowered to forgive. Tis a trick of the mind which stems from the sense of separateness.
Us and Them? = Separateness. (ask Pink Floyd)
When someone else “trespasses against us,” we are encouraged to “forgive them.” When we trespass against others, or even ourselves, we are encouraged to repent and ask for forgiveness.
Which is why we, with good intention, choose to forgive someone else’s, or ask for forgiveness for our own, “wrong doing.” And when we try to forgive ourselves, who is forgiving whom? Do we forgive in our hearts or in our mind?
As without, so within = Oneness.
The heart does not judge. And the soul seeks wisdom, your heart’s desires, not judgement borne of separateness.
The heart only has love, for everyone and everything. The sun shines on us all, regardless of thought or deed. We love unconditionally, like the sun, when we have learned to love ourselves.
Rather than forgive, release the anger, sadness, fear or guilt within you – replace it with passion, to transform yourself first. Raise your vibration. When enough of us focus on oneness, the vibration will spread.
So be uplifting. Transform from separateness to oneness. Journey to Love unconditionally.
And…
Unconditional love leads to magic, divine magic – because you become the change the world awaits.
Shine on…!
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Paul C Burr
Follow @paulburr
Fearless versus “Fearlessness” – the difference between courage and wisdom
Posted by Doctapaul in Coaching, Healing, Leadership, Life's Changes, Love, Personal, Relationships, Self Development, Soundbytes of Wisdom, Training & Development on September 27, 2011
Should we ignore, or remain in denial about adverse situations or issues, we learn little if anything at all. The situations fester and pester more and more. We feel more pain or hurt. Should we continue to isolate ourselves from our feelings of hurt about what’s going on, we isolate ourselves from love, joy and fulfillment as well. This might need some explanation.
Image sourced from The Hero Construction Company
We can’t learn if something is wet or not if we don’t know what not-wet, i.e. dry, is. Likewise, we are unable to be selective when we detach ourselves from negative emotions. Should we detach ourselves from sadness, we detach ourselves from not sadness, i.e. joy.
I recall when a relationship, I was in, broke up, not too long ago. I took myself to the pub at night, to inebriate myself from the fear and sadness of spending lonely evenings on my own. It took me 9 months before I readied myself to acknowledge the sadness, fear and start to move on life.
So here’s the curious dichotomy: when we ignore or deny fear, we deny not-fear – i.e. courage.
And it takes courage to deal with inner issues. In fact, all issues are inner issues. (When the relationship ended we both had issues to resolve but they were different issues.She had hers. I had mine. They were both proprietary.) The more courage we demonstrate to ourselves to deal with our inner issues the more we learn about them.
And when we learn more about a subject, we become wiser, we become expert and eventually we become a master. Not only are we a master at what’s going on, we become a master over our fears. We don’t hide from, or deny, them. We manage our fears. We control them. We become warriors. We become heroes. To some people, this ends the journey (“Hail, the all conquering hero!”). It does not. It ends a significant part of the journey and starts the next.
When we acknowledge our fear and gain mastery over it – we start to experience the stillness or void from which we base our actions. We start to realise that the issue, we faced, was attracted by and to our fear. We brought the issue, perhaps unknowingly and albeit unwantedly, on ourselves. The issue brought the fear to the surface so that we can erase that fear and evolve to the good.This is a fundamental rule to the game of life. (It might even be the only rule. I’m still working that one out.)
When the fear is fully out in the open in front of us, noone else,we see through it. We wise up to the habits and patterns inside of us that manifest that fear. We realise that those habits and patterns are only habits and patterns – and nothing more. They are not reality but responses we took on, usually in our early childhood, to adverse situations. And when we see their illusory nature, they disappear and so does the fear.
We begin to realise we had nothing to fear in the first place. At this stage we are not fearless, instead we experience fearlessness. We have transmuted our fearless state of mind into fearlessness.
The warrior or hero does not ignore or deny, but manages and controls, their fear. The master or magician, through the wisdom from insight, dissolves fear. Magicians are not brave. They have no need to be. They know fear for what it is – a very real-like illusion.
Fearlessness is a symptom of having achieved a spiritual step on our road to enlightenment. Only two types of people experience fearlessness – masters and fools.
When we become a master at one stage of our journey we instantly become a fool (or totally uninitiated) in the next stage. We become both master and fool at the same time.
We experience the two purposes of fearlessness:
- It tells us we’ve achieved mastery at one level
- It gives us the encouragement to tackle the next stage in our development.
Such is the computer game called “Life” – until we take the last step, of course.
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Shine on…!
Paul C Burr
Follow @paulburr
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How to Be a Friend of the Devil Within
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Quick Guide VII – A Top-notch, Sales-Relationships, Account Management Template
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Quick Guide VI – How to Sell Coaching
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For The Love of Lilith & How to Put Love into Practice (and Non-attach Yourself to It)
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Quick Guide V – How to Apply Mindfulness to Business Relationships
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The Mystique to the Game of Life (and Unrequited Love)
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Quick Guide IV – A Scorecard that Accounts for Mindfulness in Business
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Quick Guide III – How to Bridge the Pillars of Successful Business Relationships
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Quick Guide II: How to Spot, Mimic and Become a Top Salesperson
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Quick Guide: How Top Salespeople Sell
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Defrag your Soul
2012: a twist in the tail
Available from Amazon and major bookstores:
Learn to Love and Be Loved in Return
Available in USA and UK, in paperback and Kindle format
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Paul C Burr 