The seed of a strong relationship, its foundation, must grow into a solid root(ed in truth). Otherwise, we create an unsustainable imbalance. The relationship will eventually topple or die on the vine because it lacks equilibrium.
Lack of equilibrium between two people, develops when:
- One partner destabilises the other by bringing them down (and keeping them there).
- The ‘stronger’ reinforces this and reminds the ‘weaker’ partner of the consequences of their actions
- The ‘stronger’ provides the ‘weaker’ with the solution to their ills. But this is the ‘stronger’ partner’s will and bidding, not the ‘weaker’ partner.
Like a seed, a relationship starts its life very much in the dark. We know not of what lies ahead – nor appreciate what it (the seed of the relationship) can become. After the flush of ecstasy during the first few days/weeks/months together, something unexpected happens. One or both partners find themselves getting upset.
People, who get upset easily, will not succeed in the onerous setbacks that most relationships (or challenging journeys) bring from time to time. The more upset we get, the more we do not feel good about ourselves and the more we often hide about ourselves.
We may bottle our feelings up at first. We keep quiet. We fear that we will upset (or not be seen as good enough by) our partner. Eventually, when we reach exasperation point, we can boil over and let our negative emotions fly. It’s not love that lets fly, it’s fear.
As real as it feels, fear is illusory. And illusion is only dispelled by truth. For a relationship to fulfill its potential wholly, it must pass through the stage in its development called ‘truth’, in which there are no hidden agendas. Feelings and intentions are shared openly and honestly.
We observe a spiral effect. As fear is dispelled, (and as) more truth is revealed, more fear is dispelled, and so on. Counter-wise, fear serves to hide the truth, which when hidden creates more fear, and so on. (Such a fear-based relationship thus cannot get past the hidden agendas that hold it back.)
We choose with every decision we make, which way the relationship travels the spiral, up or down, truth or fear, oneness or separateness, love or power (control).
Real love is borne inside out. We need to feel good about ourselves from the inside, and not solely because someone else (i.e. our partner) makes us feel good about ourselves. We thus free ourselves to stand in our truth without any shield behind which to hide our fears. It can appear that we are making ourselves defenceless. But truth drives out falsity. Our defencelessness is thus our strength, to share a relationship rooted in truth.
Paul C Burr