Archive for category Personal
Someone on Facebook asked me for my “spiritual opinion on Monogamy”
Posted by Doctapaul in Love, Personal, Relationships on September 3, 2011
My Opinion ref: Question
Most couples I know don’t discuss monogamy up front. They don’t chose to abide by its principles consciously together. Sometimes they wish for it. Sometimes they assume it. Sometimes they treat it as a taboo topic and stick their head in the sand. Why?
Image from Lovemore.com
I haven’t been saintly always. Like many people I’ve entered into a sexual relationship knowing that the other person had stronger feelings for me than I, they. The joy of sexual pleasure, to fufill my Desire Body’s wants, was stronger than my Inner Self’s demand to live and share my truth. When the relationship ended, I’d have some rationale (e.g. “All blokes are like this.”) to keep my false ego intact – until the next time.
(I’ve been on the receiving end of this same behaviour too. Synchronicity: as I write this very sentence Joe Simon’s, Drowning in the Sea of Love, pops up on my Ipod shuffle-play.)
I hope I’ve never been demonic (I’ve enough karma, thanks) – maybe that’s not my call. But I can think of many times when I’ve lacked courage to speak my truth.
In years gone by, I’ve started open relationships which were fine and dandy until one of us steps over a line that the other doesn’t want to step over. I’ve started relationships that I wanted to become serious – and I’d end my other ongoing “open” relationships immediately. Fair enough?
Relationships start and evolve in a dance. But whom do we attract to dance? We attract what we project.
For example(s), I found that if I went into a bar with my “sex specs” on, I’d attract women who get their self esteem from being sexually attractive to others. Repeatedly I’d start a relationship with someone that wouldn’t last. Regardless of whether we had sex or not, the relationship often ended soon because one or both of us had gotten what we wanted out of it quickly. It took me many many years to figure out what my pattern was, at a vibrational level.
All the longer term relationships I’ve enjoyed, started through a “calling” I felt for and with the other person. If I’ve learnt one thing, this “calling” needs to include me. It’s not a one way deal.
I’ve come to realise that fidelity is as much about intention as behaviour. How clear, and how willing, are we to declare our intentions (especially before the music starts)?
Let’s go back to the dance – when two people start up together. If one gets ahead too far of the other, the couple come apart. If one pushes too hard and trods on the others toes – that also can lead to a stumble and fall. I’ve experienced both, both ways.
If one partner starts talking about a medium or long term purpose (that includes monogamy) for the relationship before the other is ready to commit, then the dance can come to an end. Better to stay quiet? Not forever. Better to wait until a better time? Perhaps.
My advice is thus….
1. When you start a relationship, start as friends. Be clear about your own intentions and feelings. Above all, “be true to thyself” –as the Bard says..
2. Wait a while before you introduce sex into the relationship
I once fell in love with someone out of the blue. I’d been acquainted with her for a while. We’d become friends. We spent a lovely day walking together. We arrived home. We kissed. It was a case of “love at first kiss” for me. We both wanted to make love. So I asked her a question….
“Is this sex or is it something more.”
“It’s something far more.” She replied.
“In which case, we can wait.”….
She agreed and so we did. At that point in time, we both felt our relationship had a much higher purpose. And we both had tasks to complete before we could start the relationship properly.
3. When the time feels right for both of you, discuss what the purpose of your relationship is (plug 🙂 there’s much more in my book about this):
- Physically – your environment, home, work, children, hobbies, passions and so on. (If you’re obsessed over a football team like me, this is important!)What you’ll be doing and what you won’t be doing
- Emotionally – how will you stay tuned into one another? Are you compatible intellectually or is that unimportant? How will you feel secure (or better still know) that the relationship’s purpose can be achieved?
- Spiritually – Each of you answer separately: if you were to know….
- What qualities, or wisdom about yourself, do you wish to develop through the relationship?
- What do you want to shed?
- And with what do you want to fill the void created by that which you have shed?
- What will make you truly happy in, compassionate with, and have love for , yourself – NOT the relationship or other person. (For at a spiritual level, what’s good for you is good for both. This is the bit that many of us don’t think/feel through.)
Share the answers you each come up with and create a joint purpose that is different from, but congruent with, your individual purposes.
Above all….
- Find, become and express your “true self”.
- Find your “purpose in life”.
- Find, open and take the steps needed to fulfil your “contract for this lifetime”
When you do the above, who and what you want to attract to help you, will come your way.
Ω
Shine on…!
Paul C Burr
Follow @paulburr
About loneliness….
Posted by Doctapaul in book, Healing, Life's Changes, Love, Personal, Relationships, Self Development, Soundbytes of Wisdom on August 26, 2011
Loneliness is something we feel when we are not happy with our own company.
Image by Said, Delta Papyrus Centre
Ω
Shine on…!
Paul C Burr
Follow @paulburr
ps Focus on the image of the Pharoah Ankh-n-aton.
- Do you notice. like me, how the image seems to switch from left to right?
- Do you notice that image is looking at you? Cool huh?
A New “Business-Consciousness” Model for the World
Posted by Doctapaul in Astrology, Business, Current Affairs & The Economy, Leadership, Life's Changes, Quirky Ideas, Visions and Dreams on August 25, 2011
I started advertising my Facebook page, Beowulf, earlier this week, at only 1p/click-through. It’s aimed at sharing wisdom and research into business, leadership and consciousness – and hopefully attracting some business for me too :).
(Image from Just Give Me Peace who share/sell great art and poetry.)
It accumulated more than 660 followers in 24 hours. It now has over 1000. I expected take-up to be a slow burner, maybe 30-60 people in the first week. Instead, take-up has blown me away. I still don’t know why so many started following it. Will those of you, already signed up, please send me or share your reasons for following Beowulf and your interests? Thank you.
In return I shall write about what you are interested in, best I can.
I would like to discuss something that I’ve been working through in my mind for a couple of years. I haven’t thought it all through. Therefore I write of idealism – which you can, should the more clever than me of you want to, rip to shreds.
We live in a world where land, property and wealth is won through forfeiture. Some kill in the name of a religion or a God, egged on by clerics who say “you shall become martyrs”. Forget it. That is a religion based on brain washing, protectionism and Middle -Age theocracy that preys on the fears of man. The Sun shines on everyman regardless of race, colour, religion or creed. Whether you believe in God or not – can we not all accept the principle? “We are all equal in honour not privilege.”
We see industrial giants, under the guise of “democracy”, scrambling for oil rights in Libya, pipelines across Afghanistan and trade in the Middle East. We spend billions on war, space travel and litigation. We see 1 billion people in the world without adequate food, shelter and clean water. We see violent uprisings (now in London, where next?) where people on the street say “Enough!”
There is a quickening of change. I don’t yet know what shape it will take. Those who attempt to hold on to that which serves only themselves will meet their “come up-pance”. And the “me too” or “me first now” attitude of the developing economies (after centuries of exploitation, want their “rightful share”) will only replace one capitalist empire with another.
Let’s work together to create an abundant business world where wisdom is created and shared. So that those who work hard but do not share the success of those at the top, can learn and raise the value they bring to the market.
If we all focus on helping those who need wisdom most, we raise the wisdom of the whole business planet. At the same time, if we isolate/patent wisdom to line our own pockets, then we transgress the laws of nature.
I speak not of communism versus capitalism but of freedom of wisdom and a change in mindset, so that we sign up to conduct business for the benefit of all. This, I am told, is the essence of the Aquarian Age.
An age based on raised:
- inner experience + scientific reasoning = wisdom + knowledge
- …………………………………………….. = consciousness(to replace out-dated faiths and beliefs)
Raising the world’s consciousness is no easy task. But we can make a start – with ourselves.
I would like your input and feedback please.
Ω
Shine on…!
Paul C Burr
Follow @paulburr
Passion + Detachment = Key
Posted by Doctapaul in Healing, Self Development, Soundbytes of Wisdom on August 24, 2011
“ A burning passion coupled with absolute detachment is the key to all success. ”
Mahatma Gandhi (1869–1948)
Image courtesy of Dolls of India
Tip for the day: Complain or Inspire, we choose.
Posted by Doctapaul in Healing, Poetry, Self Development, Soundbytes of Wisdom on August 23, 2011
When I complain a lot I tend to attract even more things to complain about.
The secret? Park all complaints. The Heart never judges. Focus, instead, on what you’re passionate about; that which inspires creativity.
“The Lodges all shall know that I am he.
Who searches loins and hearts to oversee,
All works creative and all works that find,
Treasures of knowledge in the Cosmic Mind.”
– from The Message to the Hierarchy of Helios, The Sun Regent, on the awakening of the Heart Chakra.
Ω
Shine on…!
Paul C Burr
Follow @paulburr
Words of Wisdom
Posted by Doctapaul in Healing, Life's Changes, Love, Personal, Poetry, Self Development, Soundbytes of Wisdom on August 22, 2011
“As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth.
Today, I know, this is ‘AUTHENTICITY’.”
…..from Charlie Chaplin’s, Words of Wisdom.
Image from Allposters
Fear Attracts Fear – Case Study
Posted by Doctapaul in Business, Coaching, Healing, Personal, Self Development, Selling, Training & Development on August 19, 2011
I coached an experienced salesperson who had fallen on hard times. Sales were down.
Like all good salespeople, he worked extra hard, and made as many sales calls as he could. He crossed all the t’s and dotted all the i’s in abundant call reports, to demonstrate his commitment and loyalty to his bosses. Alas, all to no avail.
Image from How Stuff Works
Like most of us (I include myself) it was easy to blame the economy………………
I asked what was driving him. Back came the response “Well I’m behind in my numbers and I want to catch up. I don’t want to lose my job!”
I asked a series of questions:
Q: “So fear drives your actions?”
A:“Yeh, I’ve got a wife and kids to support” came the answer.
Q: “To what extent do your friends and colleagues share your fear?”
A:“Quite a few, it’s time like this you find out who your friends are.”
Q: “To what extent do your existing customers share in your fear?”
A: “Yeh, a few have intimated that I’m trying too hard and come across as more pushy than usual. They are a bit apprehensive about me.”
Q: “And what of new customers and prospects?”
A: “Yes again, everybody I meet seems fearful to do anything right now, even when the business case is clear cut.”
So what’s going on here? I’ve coached many people in this predicament. Here’s what I’ve seen, time and again.
What drives us, we attract. Fear attracts fear.
So in the above client’s case, the coaching focused on tools to switch out fear and replace it with what the client wanted instead: “creative confidence”.
Within weeks, despite an ailing economy, the client’s sales figures went from poor, to fair, to good, to very good. He got back on track.
Ω
Shine on…!
Paul C Burr
Follow @paulburr
You Inner Darkness Beckons your Light
Posted by Doctapaul in Healing, Personal, Self Development, Soundbytes of Wisdom, Visions and Dreams on August 18, 2011
That part of you; the darkness in your psyche; it fills the gap between your personality and True Self. Many people mistake this darkness as something to fear.
Fear not, it beckons your light. Its unseen map, once illumined, shows you the way to your complete self.
It differs from your inner teacher and inner child. Its direct messages pull no punches. It sometimes can transmit its messages without words – you experience an instantaneous download of resources and programming. You may not articulate ably these resources given you. Nonetheless, you receive them. You experience them for yourself. You know. You have no need to explain them to anyone else.
We are blinded when we look at noon day sun. At night, when no clouds (emotions) block our view, we can see infinity.
The glory lies in the darkness. Tis there we find the path to our True Self and purpose in life.
Darkness, thus, serves a purpose in our lives. A purpose equally as important as The Light. Neither embrace your darkness nor deny it. Avoid trying to control it. That will make you into a false sun that rules, and is ultimately ruled ,by fear (not Love).
Instead shine your Light (Love) into it unconditionally. Ask for, but expect nothing, to receive everything.
Ω
Shine on…!
Paul C Burr
Follow @paulburr
4 Warning Signs that Tell You “You’re not ready!”
Posted by Doctapaul in Business, Healing, Leadership, Life's Changes, Personal, Relationships, Self Development, Training & Development on August 18, 2011
x 4
Can you recall a time when you set off on a venture and ignored or didn’t spot early warning signs that things were probably not going to go to plan? Those things are much easier to see in hindsight when “the milk has been spilt.” At the outset, our emotional attachment to the outcome is high. Those emotions however can cloud our vision of what’s possibly about to go awry. We head down the path to disappointment. We can avoid the path to disappointment and setback, when we can read the “road-signs”.
Four warning signs that point to pending setback and disappointment (in a relationship, in business, in everyday life):
- You get upset easily; means your pride is hurt. When you get emotional quickly and easily, you give your power to those you get upset with. You are clouded with emotion. You cannot see out what to do. Others cannot see in. You isolate yourself.
- Less power leads to low self esteem. You don’t feel good about yourself. This leads to fear.
- Fear of further upset and isolation: in extreme cases you despair and turn to others and do their bidding – in order to maintain some form of connection. This is not love or friendship. It is….
- Mind control: someone else has you under their thumb. This is not love. It’s manipulation. You have no way out, until you find the courage to get out from under.
So we can start by acknowledging our vulnerabilities. Which means neither embrace or deny them. Instead learn from them. Accept them for what they are…. head trash that needs dealing with.
We can go it alone – but I’ve found solitude and contemplation takes a wee bit too long for me. Instead I seek help… either through a group or an “energy healer”.
When you ready yourself to learn, your teacher will appear -and vice versa.
And should you choose to do nothing about it? Prepare yourself.
Because…. ( a definition for not taking responsibility)
“When the rocket is lit, your backside will appear.”
Ω
Shine on…!
Paul C Burr
Follow @paulburr
Thomas Paine on “the vulgar and ignorant mob”
Posted by Doctapaul in Current Affairs & The Economy, Soundbytes of Wisdom on August 16, 2011
“They rise as an unavoidable consequence, out of the ill construction of all old governments in Europe, England included with the rest. It is by distortedly exalting some men, that others are distortedly debased, until the whole is out of nature.”….. Thomas Paine
Hat tip: This is from a Tax Justice Network Blog who, in turn, were inspired by Michael Law (from a letter in The Guardian)
Ω
Shine on…!
Paul C Burr
Follow @paulburr
The Fear of Fear
Posted by Doctapaul in Business, Healing, Leadership, Personal, Pitfalls I've Fallen Into, Relationships, Self Development on August 16, 2011
"Fear" by lilith_abi
Fear is a strong word. It can be an uncomfortable word. If we over-embrace fear, we end up doing nothing about it. Paradoxically the fear of fear; not talking about fear, not thinking about fear can lead to….. denial – of the conscious and unconscious fears (“let’s not go there”) that hold us back.
(Image sourced from lilith_abi.)
So it’s about creating a structure and process where we can acknowledge our fears and vulnerabilities. When we deny fear, we deny our Truth. Research shows, living our Truth is the key to creating a healthy level of self worth.
This presents a challenge to the fiefdoms in politics and business in this “winner takes all” world we’ve created. A world where one man’s vulnerabilities and mistakes are seized by another for their own gain.
It points to a new world where property, wealth and “ownership” is based on equitable negotiation and usage, not forfeiture. Where one serves all as part of our social contract. Leaders do the leading, rulers do the ruling, Kings and Queens do the king-ing or queen-ing. They are jobs with reponsibilities and accountabilities, not titles. Ah-ha – I feel a whole new blog coming on.
Ω
Shine on…!
Paul C Burr
Follow @paulburr
Dealing with change, making the transition more effectively
Posted by Doctapaul in Healing, Life's Changes, Love, Personal, Relationships on August 12, 2011
Change doesn’t hurt us. The emotional journey to making that change can
be hurtful though, if not cathartic.
Unexpected or unwanted change (for example, we lose something or someone precious) can feel like the world has collapsed in on us. We find it difficult just to acknowledge what has come to an end. (Image by: zirconicusso)
“It was hell. I couldn’t get my ex-girlfriend out of my head. There were times I would panic. I wondered how I would get through the next 30 seconds of my life and keep myself together. I loved her so much and she was gone. Every few minutes her memory would pop into my head. And the panic and heartache would start all over again. This went on for months.”
When we can’t acknowledge an ending, it means that we are not fully in a position to learn – from it or what went prior to the ending.
“’I acknowledge’ means I accept, as best I can, what has happened and ready myself to learn.”
Acknowledgement doesn’t mean we’ve gotten over what happened, far from it. The early period of what happens to us next can still be tough, very tough.
In time, we allow ourselves to start to look objectively at the facts. We try as best we can to detach ourselves from the emotions that hold us back and construct a way forward for us to move on. Sometimes we race too early to start a new beginning. But starting something new, “on the rebound” doesn’t often work.
It’s important that we grieve and not deny our feelings. And likewise it’s equally important that we busy ourselves whilst we grieve – for “wallowing in the mud does not make us clean”, as the saying goes.
“When we deny our emotions we cannot be selective. We cannot numb ourselves from hurt and suffering without numbing ourselves from joy and happiness at the same time.”
As time passes, we sometimes ‘think’ we have got over what happened. We haven’t.
As time passes, we can ‘believe’ we have got over what happened. We haven’t.
As time passes, we will ‘feel’ we have got over what happened. We haven’t.
It’s not until we ‘know’ we have gotten over that something or someone, are we ready to start a new beginning in our lives.
How do we know when we’ve gotten over someone (or something)? When their memory crops up, we give that memory minimal negative energy. That is, we give it minimal anger, sadness, fear or guilt. It’s not digital on/off switch. For me, memories of everyone I’ve loved, and have now gone from my life, still have a tinge of sadness – but only a tinge. I know I’ve gotten over that relationship.
Shine on…! Paul C Burr
“I can’t help it if I’m lucky!” – great line from Mr Dylan’s, Idiot Wind
Posted by Doctapaul in Soundbytes of Wisdom on August 7, 2011
“Dumb luck” is a consequence of something you have done in the past.
Sufism
Posted by Doctapaul in Personal, Poetry, Self Development, Soundbytes of Wisdom on August 6, 2011
“ If you are irritated by every rub,
how will your mirror be polished? ”
Rumi (1207–1273)
Persian poet and philosopher
Tend (Y)our Garden
Posted by Doctapaul in Healing, Personal, Poetry, Self Development on August 6, 2011
My Dark Cloud thickens.
Neither can I see within or without.
I rage.
I weep.
I fear, I alone.
Behind my pride, clouded in emotion,
My soul, thrown and tumulted,
At last crys…
“ENOUGH! Be gone.
Blacken my view, no more.
Let the storm clouds break.”
I pour water on Upset, Resentment and Guilt.
An angel rescues me from the abyss.
The Dark Cloud (my fear) fades,
I see what lies beyond,
A mirror of my own self,
My unkempt garden.
I tend my garden.
And help you with yours.
Tis the same garden.
Not ours to own – but to share.
In that garden grows the Love I, not I, we have for all mankind.
Tis called Eden.
Shine on…!
@paulburr
Fear or Fulfillment – you choose
I’m wrapping my head around this. Please contribute to my thoughts.
I advised one of my clients that decisions we make borne out of fear, don’t take away that fear. The fear lingers. Decisions we make out of not-fear, love, take us down the path toward our life’s purpose.
She asked, “How do I tell the difference?”
I answered, “When you’ve achieved or completed something, do you feel relieved or fulfilled?. The secret to finding the path is to do those things that bring a sense of fulfillment when complete.”
Shine on…!
@paulburr
Qualities in Life and Time
Posted by Doctapaul in Self Development on August 6, 2011
We influence the quality of our lives through our body (health, exercise), mind (consciousness, knowledge, intellect, imagery, stimulus, willpower, commitment, coinfidence, motivation, curiosity), environment (eg family, work, leisure, fresh air, sun, place, atmosphere), relationships (self, personal, business) and intuitional listening(the inner guide that speaks to us when our mind is still, between our thoughts – sometimes through art, poetry, music, dance, symbolism and metaphor).
We nurture all the above, hopefully in harmony. We attempt to change or improve them for the better.
The other important factor is timing. When do we elect to change something and when do we wish to feel the effect of that change?
Relationships Change
Posted by Doctapaul in Love, Personal, Relationships on August 6, 2011
Some people are unconscious of the need for change in their lives. When changes start to happen suddenly, they can be quite upsetting and unpleasant. The changes may even take the form of accidents, which are often an unconscious and inadvertent release of subconscious tension.
Relationships change. Our souls can feel stifled, even bored, when we stop seeking their quest. One or both parties start to feel “held down” too much. The relationship may break up. You can avoid this when you and your partner open yourselves to new and challenging experiences. But first, find a new purpose for your relationship consciously. Write it down. It should be different and congruent with each of your individual purposes.
If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will do. But some roads are better than others.
If we select not the best road we encounter the karmic consequences. We may lose ourselves but we can’t hide.
I have learnt that the road is always there.
I ask for the wisdom to choose it and stay on it.
Shine on…!
@paulburr
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Learn to Love and Be Loved in Return
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Paul C Burr 